When does becoming a parent become real? Is it when we first
see that pregnancy test? Is it when the doctor confirms the test? Is it when
the mother’s body begins changing? We all have had different experiences, and
have “become” parents at different times. None of us are any more right than
others, and there are so many variables that can change our outlook on this
kind of event. And it’s not only the individual that determines this feeling,
but also the child, and the event that lead to becoming a parent.
My first son, Jayson, was a true blessing. The story of his
birth is truly a unique story. Traci and I were in Kuwait, when Traci noticed
she had what appeared to be a bug bite on her leg. Concerned, she asked if I would
escort her to the troop clinic to get it checked out. Once we arrived, she went
to see the doc, and I waited anxiously in the waiting room. Well, needless to
say, when she came out, we did not discuss a bug bite. She looked at me and
told me she was pregnant. I was overwhelmed and overjoyed. I knew that she
would be going home to the states, and that I was still looking forward to a
12-15 month deployment. I had a sense of relief as well. Traci would have been
one of the only female soldiers attached to an infantry battalion, and would be
conducting missions that would have possibly put her in harm’s way. So on that
note, I was relieved. But I also knew right away that she was going to have to
go through this experience all by herself. We had been married for less than a
month at this time, and the biggest event to happen to either of us, would have
to be experienced an ocean apart from one another. One of the last things I said
to Traci before she left back for the US was, “Take care of yourself, and take
care of our baby.” At this point, I knew we were going to have a baby, but “it”
hadn’t hit me yet. And it didn’t for quite some time.
As time went on, Traci would keep me up to date on all the
changes that were happening, the baby items she was buying, and sending me
pictures of everything. These things were all awesome, and made me feel like I was
a part of the pregnancy, even though I wasn’t there. Traci always included me, and
I am so very appreciative for that. But I still didn’t feel like a parent. Then
she has Jayson! I won’t go into the birth details (you can read Traci’s
previous posts for that). Regardless, I had a ton of pictures sent to me, lots
of emails and messages from the family, and I was finally a dad! But for some
reason, I didn’t feel like a parent.
Well, the day finally was finally here! I came home, and
waiting for me was my absolutely gorgeous wife, and a little six month old
version of me that I saw in person for the first time. I was finally a parent! I
held that little boy and couldn’t do anything but smile and cry. It was an
unexplainable feeling that I had never experienced, and one that I will never
forget. It was truly one of the happiest days of my life.
Fast forward almost seven years later. I am the proud parent
of two boys, and in the process of planning the third. There has been so many
things that we have done to start planning for our next child, that some people
would think we are nuts. And we may be. But I digress. Having this level of
involvement, for something this big, has made me already feel like a parent to
a child that has not even been conceived yet. And it is an amazing feeling.
Each day, the journey continues, and although our baby isn’t here yet, doesn’t mean
I love them any less. Because it’s only a matter of time before we are holding
that little blessing in our arms.
Til Next Time,
Jay
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