Labor Notes from My Birth Doula

Parker's Birth Notes - February 26th, 2015

4:30-5 Gyro (Contractions started around 6 p.m.)
6:30-7 Pineapple smoothie

7 p.m. Water broke, lightly stained

7:21 Phone call from Jay, you'd like me to come. 

8:15 I arrive

8:30 I suggest we all leave you alone so you can rest in between. Contractions every 3 minutes, about 35 seconds. (Everyone except Jay, goes to the dining room to wait for labor to progress)

8:40 Casey leaves, says she can come back at any time.

10:09 "Last 8 contractions are lasting a minute or longer." - Jay 

10:17 Loud vocalization & I check in with you.

10:23 You want me to stay in the room with you.

10:35 I insist that you get up to use the restroom. You are not happy when I suggest you stay on the toilet for another contraction.

10:45 You say you're pushing during the contraction.

10:47 You request the tub, but I suggest waiting for Madeleine as I know she's nearly here.

11:09 Madeleine says baby is so low, you must be complete. Tammy suggest low sounds when you bear down.

11:10 Heart rate "Good!" Madeleine says

11:12 Madeleine suggest you make your hips wider as you push.

11:17 Madeleine says "He's right there"

11:26    "  asks if you want to touch his head, you do and exclaim "Oh my God!"

11:27 Heart rate check "great" Madeleine says

11:33 Madeleine attempts to feel for baby, you tell her not to touch & Madeleine tells Tammy she thought baby may be crowning

11:35 "I've never wanted anything out of my body so bad."

11:36 Madeleine: "This is great, he's just molding".

11:38 "I can feel him right there, it hurts so bad."

11:39 Madeleine dons her headlamp

11:47 Madeleine suggests getting out of the tub, maybe the stool? "Noooo!" You say. 

In between contractions you rest your head on your hands.

Extra long pushes.

11:51  You look at the clock & roll your eyes.

11:57 Madeleine suggests you hold the noise in, focus all your energy down.

11:58 Tammy suggests that you rock your hips.

11:59 "Gimme your hands" you tell Jay

February 27th

12:01 "I'm sorry"

12:02 Heart rate ✅ (Check) "He's very low in that canal"

12:08 "I felt like he was just going to come out" you say after this contraction. Jay says "That's good!" Madeleine again suggests changing position, perhaps the toilet, the hot water can exhaust you. "I feel like water makes them less intense" you say.

12:10 Change position, you move to sit on the tub "step" with Jay sitting behind you. Your wedding day picture mirrors the scene. 

Tammy: "I see his head, go ahead and feel him"

Jay: "That's all he was waiting for, the 27th!" 

Madeleine: "You're doing so great, He's right there!"

12:16 "it's cold" fan off

12:23 You ask: "Does he go back in?" Madeleine explains only slightly, to where he's comfortable.

12:25 Heart rate check, but stops as contraction starts.

12:27 Tammy explains that baby needs to come under your pubic bone, and to bring your pelvis forward . Heart rate good.

12:29 Madeleine suggests you change position, if only for a few minutes. You move to the birth stool.

12:32 "The urge to push is always there" you say, "I don't like this".

12:36 Heart rate check, "the heart rate is slow, let's get him out."

12:38 Move to the bed, with Jay sitting behind you

12:49 Baby born! "MOM!!!" you yell

1:27 Grandma (Gigi) gets to hold her brand new grandson 

1:28 Jay: "You smell like a bait shop!" - "I like you"

9lbs 4oz

22 inches long

-small tear

  Lidocaine used for repair

Congratulations!

❤️ Lea

Approaching 40 weeks pregnant

As I'm sure many people are wondering how I'm doing as I approach my 40th week of pregnancy, I'm over being asked. At 38 weeks, I deactivated my Facebook page and went silent for the most part. The constant question of if I've had the baby yet is really annoying and I was becoming irritable. As I get closer to my due date, people have taken to asking my close friends and family if I've had the baby yet. 

When did this stop being MY news to share? No, I have not had Parker yet. Please don't call or text my mom or husband (or anyone else) to ask if I have. We will tell the world when we are ready. I do understand that everyone is excited and trust me no one is more ready for this baby to be born than I am. But I am not just having another baby here, I am overcoming eight, yes...EIGHT years of birth trauma. I am gearing up to do one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I will ever do in my whole life. I don't need the constant questions or check ups. I need love, support and my peace. Almost exactly eight years ago I was taken down a path in my birth I wasn't mentally, emotionally or physically ready to go down. I spent several months with postpartum depression and I was on antidepressants after giving birth to Jayson. I am taking control of that path and changing the outcome this time. This takes so much mental and emotional energy on top of just being pregnant that I can't handle the constant questions, comments and concerns of the people peering in. I'm sorry I've shut you all out but I really have done so for my benefit. 

Maybe I'll have him tomorrow. Maybe I won't. When he's here and I am ready to share my story, don't for one second think you'll get out of hearing all about it. I am a sharer, some would say an over-sharer but this is one time in my life where I need the highest amount of privacy and consideration. 

Know that I love you all and I will be back to chat with you all soon. 

Until then, 

Traci

Almost one third of the way done!

Today I am 28 weeks pregnant with our little VR baby. He is healthy and going strong. Everything with me seems fine and dandy. My physician put in for my glucose test to be done this week. I just have to decide when I'm going to go in to do it. I hate these tests but I'm just gonna do it since I've never had any issues with them being negative before. I sort of just want to get it over with.

Since I'm healthy and Parker is healthy as of now, I've been thinking a lot about the "what ifs". I know what if's aren't necessarily a good thing to focus on but I want to have a plan, at least a general plan, in place IF something goes wrong. Like *IF* Parker is Breech?! What do I do? Tripler won't let women deliver a baby vaginally breech, no matter what their previous history is. My midwife isn't comfortable doing it at home since I've never delivered vaginally before. So do I succumb to giving birth via repeat cesarean again or do I fight tooth and nail for a vaginal birth because babies turn even in the last minutes?

Last week, I saw my physician for my 27 week check up and she made it clear that if she didn't have my surgical records from my previous cesareans then we would have to schedule a repeat c-section. That was a hard blow for me. Fortunately, when I went down stairs to records they had received my surgical records for my last cesarean but not for my first. Hopefully, that is the best option if we only get one. Wouldn't she want at minimum the most recent surgical record since it'll detail what it was like in surgery after the first surgery healed? Of course I worry anyway. What if we don't get my surgical records from eight years ago? Will she be set on scheduling a repeat surgery? Should I start looking for new doctors now or wait until I see her again to decide?

Then I have my fears. My past experiences haunt me. I won't give up my dreams of giving birth vaginally but my fears still sneak up from time to time. My biggest fear is another emergency c-section. That is the scariest (and more possible) outcome to me. Of course I find death of myself or my baby to be terrifying but it's not as likely a scenario.

I've had two deliveries, of those two deliveries the failure and emergency c-section was the worst. Not only is it soul crushing to fail (for me at least) but the recovery of an 'emergency cesarean' after hours of your body working tirelessly to give birth vaginally is excruciating and depressing. Lifting my infant was a painful chore for weeks, imagine being here with two very active older children on top of a newborn who is in desperate need of my attention at all times. Walking was damn near impossible for almost a week after the emergency cesarean, imagine trying to do anything outside of the home with three children, two of which are active and some what hyper. I couldn't maintain order the way a parent is supposed to. How would I grocery shop, run errands or go to doctors visits?

Of course, I want to give birth vaginally but to fail and end up in a c-section anyway is scary. There is no way to know if that will or won't happen. There is no guarantee that everything will go as planned. I'm preparing myself as best as I can but at the end of the day, I'm still scared of enduring that pain again. Hopefully this time around, I'll have my husband home to help me if I do have to have a c-section. He does get ten days paternity leave, with little to no leave left after our emergency leave. If I am lucky, my mom and sister will be here during the birth or at the very least after he's born (hopefully!) to help me out some but they're only here for a week. Hopefully Jay will be able to help even after his paternity leave by having shorter days or changing shifts to accommodate the family's needs. Only time will tell.

These are just a few of the things on my mind as I near the end of the pregnancy. In the end, things always work out and I'm far more resilient than I give myself credit for. Look at my track record, I've given birth via c-section twice to my babies while my husband was in a war zone. I think that gives me a little bit of "street cred". LOL!

Until next time,

20-21 Weeks

I just saw my PCM today after my ultrasound on Friday. Baby is doing great. My uterus is the size it's supposed to be for 21 weeks and everything sounds good with baby.

At 20 weeks and 3 days he was approximately 12 oz and 10 inches long. He's measuring about 4 days ahead of schedule but he has a really tall family so I'm not surprised at all there.

During the ultrasound, they noticed my cervix is shorter than they like it to be but still in their "okay" range. They want it to be no shorter than 2.5 but prefer it to be greater than 3 and I'm at a 2.6. I go back in on Friday to make sure it's not getting shorter because if it is shortening already that could cause some issues. It is one of the signs of preterm labor. The doctor was explaining to me today that if it is getting shorter, I'll have to go on bed rest and/or eventually have my cervix sewn shut to prevent preterm labor before baby is ready. Of course the one ultrasound is just a snap shot but the follow up on Friday should reveal whether or not I'm at risk. I'm curious if all of this is due to the stress I've been under plus all the traveling I've done the past month.

On the plus side, Parker is still doing great. He heart rate was strong today and I'm gaining weight instead of losing finally! I'm still one pound under what my pre-pregnancy weight was but doctor didn't seem concerned at all.

20 Weeks and going strong!

Until Next Time!

12 down, 28 to go!

This week I hit 12 weeks into the pregnancy. The chance of miscarriage drops greatly after this week, which is a huge relief. Baby's heartbeat is going strong and I even got a peek at baby at my OB appointment during week 11! 

Nausea is still hanging around but it's not too terrible. It's mostly just random spouts of dry heaving. It's not fun but much more tolerable than actually getting sick.

During my OB visit, my OB and I discussed a few things. One of those things is my Medullary Sponge Kidney and how it might affect this pregnancy. Of course, this is something I've had all my life but we recently found out about in the past two years. Since she wasn't sure if it would or wouldn't affect me, she put me in for a consult with Antepartum Diagnosis Center to be sure. Next, we discussed if she felt comfortable with my decision to VBA2C. While I do plan on having a home birth, I need to go into this journey knowing I have back ups if something falls through. If I become to nervous or anxious to birth at home, I want to know that I'm not signing consent to surgery just because I walk into the hospital. She seemed uncomfortable and that's mostly because she's NOT an OB/GYN. She's a family physician that delivers babies. She said she would discuss this with some high risk OBs and see if she can get someone to back her up so that I can TOLAC (Trial of labor after cesarean) and if anything goes wrong, there are surgeons and other emergent medical staff there to assist where my physician can not. I completely understand that. It makes absolute sense to me.

I saw the Antepartum OB this passed Friday and I had a WONDERFUL conversation with him. While walking to his office, he told me he is resident high risk OB. I immediately decided I would bring my plans to VBA2C. Of course we first discussed how my diagnosis could affect my pregnancy, he doesn't believe it will. He suggests that we go forward with this pregnancy just like any other normal healthy pregnancy and if something comes up at my 20 week anatomy scan then we will go from there. Then I told him about my plans to VBAC and asked what I should do since my physician seemed a little nervous about the idea. We discussed my previous births and why I had cesareans. When that was covered, he said I sound like an excellent candidate for TOLAC and that my physician will be completely backed up by OB since they're the ones on call. He even said he'd write her a note stating such. He really made me feel like I could do this! Which I was sooo happy to hear. He was such a great doctor who didn't try to scare me. He did go over the risks of a VBAC but he ALSO went over the risks of a third cesarean! He said as long as I know the risks of my choice, he and the OB clinic would support my decision. Such a wonderful and relieving visit.

To some this might sound silly that I'm so excited about this visit to see my doctors but having someone supportive means the WORLD. There was such a weight on my shoulders that I was worrying myself over how things would go if I didn't have a supportive hospital to back me up if I chickened out of the home birth. I like safety nets.

Now to move forward with my plans and prepare as much as possible before this little monkey arrives! 

Until next time! 

Be Still My Heart

After over a week of trying and searching for the baby's heart beat, I finally broke down and called Crystal to find out what exactly I'm looking for! I've read about it until I thought I knew what I was looking for but evidently I was wrong. I thought I was looking for a fast heart beat of about 150 to 170 bpm but I found out that it can vary depending on the age of the fetus and that as low as 90 bpm to 110 bpm is normal for weeks 7 - 8 but during week 8 it starts to pick up and by weeks 9 - 10  it should be up to 140 to 170 bpm. Of course we are no doctors and we may have even missed a few beats but I had Jay time himself and count the beats for a whole minute and it came out around 91-95 bpm and when we check my pulse to ensure we weren't accidentally listening to my heart beat, mine was about high 70's to low 80's.

Once we were pretty sure we had found the heart beat, we sat and listened for a while. I was the one holding onto the fetal doppler and the probe that locates the heart beat. I found a good spot and just let it sit there. While listening, I didn't move the probe at all and the heart beat started fading in and out and getting stronger and lighter. We were pretty sure by that point that it was baby and not one of my veins or arteries because they wouldn't move around like that. Jay was pretty excited.

For those that don't know, Jay and I have had two boys together but each time I found out I was pregnant Jay was on his way to Iraq. He's missed both pregnancies and births of our first two children and he has no idea what this is like at all. So last night, was his first time hearing one of his babies' heart beats from in the womb.  As we enter the time of midwife appointments, ultrasounds, and OB appointments, Jay will start to see some of the stuff I went through with both previous pregnancies. So far this first trimester has been a little of both my previous ones. With Jayson, I wouldn't have known I was pregnant besides the exhaustion. With Eli, I was sick as a dog most of the time and by the time the 2nd trimester came, I had lost a little bit of weight because of how nauseous I was. This pregnancy has had a little nausea here and there but sometimes I can't tell I'm pregnant except for I KNOW I saw the two lines and I haven't had my cycle since May! lol

I was supposed to have an appointment with the OB yesterday but they called and rescheduled it for August 5th since they want me to be past 10 weeks and I'm not yet. Today marks 8 weeks and 4 days so I will be 11 weeks on the day of my OB appointment. I also have a Midwife appointment on August 2nd and I have already scheduled our 3D/4D ultrasound (we didn't do this with the first two) to find out the gender at 15 weeks. Hopefully we'll be able to find out then, they said they can tell as early as 13 weeks but that seems way too early to me. I'm tempted to change our appointment so it's after I'm 16 weeks but I'm just too anxious to wait! When would you do it? After 16 weeks or after 18 weeks or just wait for the normal 20 week ultrasound?

Let me hear what you have to say!

The First Trimester Fears

I am now a little bit over the half way mark in my first trimester. The nausea has been off and on for about two or three weeks now. Yesterday was the first time I wasn't able to keep down my meal which wasn't fun at all. The heartburn has been pretty vicious but I have chronic acid reflux anyway so I can't tell if it's from the pregnancy or just my everyday life. I've been trying to not take Nexium as much since it blocks the absorption of iron and my prenatal labs came back borderline anemic. Other than the nausea, heartburn and mood swings, I can hardly tell I'm pregnant! LOL Oh and the random hits of extreme exhaustion. Those all seem like very easily remedied things. There are times when I seriously wonder if this is all real. If this is the baby I've been fighting for this past year. Not that I don't believe that I'm pregnant, it's just so hard to wrap my head around after such a long time of trying for this. There is no heartbeat to listen to (that can really be found yet), our insurance only covers ONE ultrasound and that's to check to make sure growth and size are appropriate around 20 weeks. I can't feel the baby yet, that won't happen for at least eight to ten week, if I'm lucky. I just feel like I'm in limbo until something shows me that everything is progressing the right way in there. It's quite scary after reading blogs, forums and groups of women going through the same thing and lots of them end up in miscarriage. The internet can be valuable to research but also, ignorance is bliss. Not knowing what could happen is so much nicer than knowing the odds of something going wrong.

I've been trying very hard to not live in a perpetual state of worry and stress. Most of the time I'm not, but sometimes that desire to know what's going on is just very overwhelming. I purchased a fetal doppler but of course I'm not far enough along to be able to hear the heartbeat on my own yet. I hear the earliest is about 9 weeks and I'm 6 weeks 5 days. According to the hospital, which goes by the LMP, I'm about week later at 7 weeks 4 days.  The conception date or ovulation date is more accurate but hospitals don't typically expect a woman to know when she ovulated so they don't even ask for that. I plan on informing them once I see an actually doctor or midwife instead of an in-take nurse.

In preparation for our HBA2C, Jay and I have been watching documentaries out the wahzoo! We've watched Business of Being Born, More Business of Being Born and Pregnant in America. They're all very informative and inspiring! I am probably as close to the hospital as I could be in this area so I have no concerns there. And as of right now, the hospital it self (represented by the few nurses I've spoke to in person and over the phone) seems very VBAC friendly but I'm just waiting on that good ol' "bait and switch"! I fully expect the doctor to be supportive but express concerns or restrictions on me to VBAC. Then as time progresses the doctor will slowly seem less and less supportive of my desire to labor naturally and eventually try to talk me into scheduling either a repeat c-section or an induction of labor. Both of which are wildly outside of what I feel comfortable with and what I have learned to be the correct route towards a natural birth. Inductions actually increase the risk of c-section by 67%! That's insane! One wrong decision and you're more than 50% likely to end in an surgery! So no inductions for me! JUST SAY NO TO DRUGS! Where did all of THAT education go?! I'm starting to go off on a tangent. My point is natural birth is what is supposed to happen! Yes, complications do arise and the medical interventions are wonderful to have in those RARE cases but these medical interventions are becoming heavily relied on to make the life easier, not on the mother, not on the baby or family but on the doctors! They get to have a nice and tidy 30 minute to an hour c-section and then they are on their merry way to their next patient or home for the night. Look at the statistics! Even my own mother is a statistic! Doctors induce labor during the week to avoid having to come into the hospital over the weekend, especially holiday or long weekends! My mother was induced to avoid labor and birth over Labor day. The doctors wanted their three or four day weekend to be uninterrupted, so what did they do? They induced my mother so she would have her baby earlier. Thankfully nothing went wrong but the risks were there. Were those risks fully explained to the patient before consent was given? Probably not, so many of the risks of induction and c-section are down played due to the doctor/surgeon feeling confident of their methods. But why are they so much more confident in artificial labor and surgical operations than natural labor?! What has happened in the past thirty years that have caused this spike in inductions and c-sections? Medical technology? Maybe, but I think it's more of the doctors relying on this technology rather than them trusting in nature. Pregnant in America really showed how backwards our medical system has become when it comes to births. I'm sure there are amazing interventions out there for things we had never dreamed of fighting but birth isn't an illness to be fought or cured.

I wish I had been this educated before I walked into Madigan Army Medical Center in labor with Jayson. I would have known to say no to the epidural, especially as early as 4-5 cm! I would have known it could stall my labor, which it did and I would have known that the pitocin used to start up my stalled labor could send the baby into distress, which it did. So yes my "emergency c-section" was probably necessary, but it was only necessary to save my baby and myself from the interventions that shouldn't have been used on me.


So here I am, almost 8 years later, pregnant with my third child and terrified of what might happen all over again. This time I am educated and supported. I am stronger and wiser. But at the end of the day, I can't predict how this will all go down, no matter how educated and prepared I am. I'm just hoping that my body does what it is supposed to do and I have a HBA2C that goes smoothly and without a hitch.  I have hired a midwife, who just in one meeting hit it off well with me and I can see us having a very special bond that I really just can't explain. I have a dear friend that has already stepped up and said she'll come out and be my labor support (aka doula). She isn't a doula but she is a wonderful friend who has given birth to 5 beautiful children, two of which were home births. As of right now, besides my midwife, her assistant and my husband, I plan on having my friend Crystal and my mother there with me. I am beyond terrified of my support system failing and breaking my spirit in a moment of weakness but this is a fear that I have due to past experiences. I can't let the past haunt the future. I have to have faith that everyone will hold strong for me and that I can draw that strength in my greatest time of need.

But for now, I just wonder if little one in there is doing alright and I can't wait to hear and see them!  I'm still torn on whether or not I want to know the sex but Jay wants to know so I feel bad if I withhold that from him. I found out on the last two and he was in Iraq so I feel almost obligated to give him this small part of the pregnancy.

Until next time,

It's HAPPENING!

My dreams of a natural birth are coming true! I met and hired my midwife today. I knew while in the office that she was the one and that I didn't need to shop around at all. I felt at ease, excited and confident while speaking with her. She spoke to me as a peer and not as an uneducated child who needed to be managed by her superior education, which I loved! She answered ALL of my questions and told me how the whole process would go. I absolutely adored her and we have only met once so far.

I really feel that this is the right path. I've never felt so confident in my body before today! I just finished the intake paperwork on their website and schedule my first appointment to see her. Today was just an interview/consultation. Not only is she a midwife but she is a Naturopathic Doctor also, which is very refreshing. I plan on keeping her on as baby's pediatrician for the first year so I don't have to hear all the lectures about a delayed immunization plan. She was very accepting of the idea and I loved how laid back and go with the flow she was. Never once did I feel judged for my decisions but instead I felt supported and encouraged to follow my intuition.

Now to ensure I have a healthy diet, exercise plan and positive mood surrounding this pregnancy to prepare me for labor. It will have been eight years since I've experienced labor by the time I have this baby. I think this time I will prepare better for labor pain management. Feel free to share the methods or classes you took to prepare yourself for labor. I didn't do anything before Jayson and I managed the pain fairly well up until I was "coerced" into an early epidural. I honestly believe that my sheer stubbornness and will to do this naturally COULD pull me through this but I'd prefer to be as prepared as possible instead of believing my body will tell me what to do when I get there.


I am approximately 4 weeks along, which is very early and the risk of miscarriage is still high. The risk should drop as I near and go past 12 weeks. Even with being fairly early, the exhaustion, heart burn and slight nausea have kicked in. So far it hasn't been unbearable but I feel like it will become difficult as I approach 12 weeks.


I'm feeling excited, relaxed and very sure about the path I have chosen for my birth. Even if we end up in the hospital, at least I KNOW I did all that I could to avoid unnecessary medical interventions. My midwife seems very sure about when and why we would want to do a hospital transfer and with everything we discussed today, I feel confident in following her guidance. Jay also seemed very at ease with everything too which gave me even more clarity about the path we have chosen.

Until next time,

Renewed Hope

Whew! This holiday season has been the BUSIEST EVER! So Christmas Eve, I thought I was ovulating but then I got sick over Christmas which is known to delay ovulation. I started feeling better over the weekend and on Sunday, I got another "Peak" reading on my Clear Blue Digital Ovulation predictor test kit. So Monday morning I called the RE and we went in for an ultrasound that afternoon. The nurse practitioner said that I had not ovulated and gave me a prescription for Ovidrel 250 µg to do that afternoon. We went immediately to Safeway and got the medication. The pharmacist informed me that if I was not going to be taking the shot immediately that it needed to be refrigerated. AHHH! We were an hour and half away from home!! How were we going to refrigerate it?! Well, I had Jay give me the injection in the parking lot of Safeway and off we went with our day. The kids got to spend some time (and lots of money, Thank you Grandpa Orzeck!!) at Toys R Us! Then I started feeling sick so we went home.

The next morning, we got up early and made the drive back out to Tucson to do the IUI. It was uncomfortable but not horrible. The sample Jay gave was not the greatest but we went on with the IUI and hopefully we'll know in a few weeks if it worked or not. The IUI was with a post-wash sample of 3.5 million with 99% motility. It's not what I was expecting so I was rather disappointed yesterday but today I feel as though my hope is renewed and that we have as good a chance this month as we have any other time we successfully got pregnant. Now the wait begins but after the last few weeks I've had, I'm thankful to be in the "sit and wait" time frame. It's relaxing and less stressful. The only thing I feel like I'm missing is a beach with a warm summer day! LOL

FYI, if this cycle is successful, I'll be due September 23rd (ish)

WOOO!

Until next time,

Sick and cancelled IUI

Merry Christmas! I know I'm a few days late but better late than never, I say! I hope everyone had a great Christmas or holiday or whatever you celebrate. If you celebrate nothing, then I hope you had a happy day! lol

I started feeling bad on Christmas eve but I went to my appointment anyway. Jay and I started taking some airborne in hopes that we'd be able to fight off whatever it was we were starting to feel. Jay managed to fight it off. I was not as lucky. Christmas I was feeling worse but still managed to get through the day fairly smoothly. Yesterday was probably the worst day of all. My temp was high and my head was pounding. So I asked Jay to call the RE and cancel our appointment because not only am I sick but now my oldest son is feeling really bad too.  Jay and I have decided to move forward with a medicated "natural" cycle. Meaning, we're just gonna go at it like normal people and hope for the best! LOL Of course being sick isn't very sexy and I haven't felt "up for the task" but hopefully we can get back to our trying. With the higher temps due to clomid, possibly false positives on my clear blue digital advanced ovulation predictor kit, and the sickness throwing the rest of my temps off, it's really hard to know if I have or have not already O'd. I'm still testing with cheap ovulation test strips and those have not shown a positive so I'll keep going with that until I either get a peak or AF shows. I'm 14 days in to my cycle and if my ovulation date is like my past ovulations I should be ovulating between CD15 and 19. Only time will tell! Wish us luck! We're gonna need it!

Until next time!

Clomid Side Effects

I am five days into my cycle and only three days into my five day prescription of clomid. I am already feeling side effects. Yesterday it started with just the crazed hormones. I'm not as patient as I usually am with the boys which results in a lot of yelling and frustrated corrections to them. Poor kiddos. Then last night I had a nose bleed which was weird. Then it happened again this morning. I think it has a lot to do with the hot flashes. So far I have hot flashes and craze hormonal mood swings. Let's hope they subside when I stop taking the medication! The kids are praying, I'm sure!

I just have to keep reminding myself that this is all for a greater cause. I just pray that these side effects are because my ovaries are producing a couple eggs so that we have a higher chance of success! Any suggestions or comments are welcome! I'd love to hear about other people's success stories or their process through clomid, IUI or both!

Until next time!

Cycle Day 1 of our IUI Cycle

   Today is CD 1! (Cycle Day 1) So immediately I called the clinic to ask them what I should do. I had an appointment scheduled for the 19th of December because I thought I would start closer to then instead of now but my body decided differently! Thank goodness I have all of my medications ready! 

   On Monday (CD 3), I will start my clomid and continue taking it for five days. This is supposed to help my body create and mature my eggs better. There is a possibility of multiples as it can cause a few eggs to be released at the same time. Generally the risk of twins while on Clomid is about 10%, though it can be higher depending on the person, (Info came from here). At this point, I just hope I get pregnant sooner than later. The risk of having triplets or more is less than 1% so I'm not even worried about that. These numbers would be so much higher if we went on with IVF! So thank goodness for our opportunity to do IUI instead of IVF! 

  While speaking to the clinic, I was informed that I will be needing the HCG injections which I assume will be to trigger ovulation so we can schedule the IUI precisely with ovulation. They wanted to see me on CD 12 but that is Christmas Day so I will be going in on Christmas Eve to have an ultrasound to check if my eggs are ready to be triggered. I will probably then be advised on when to administer the trigger shot and an appointment will be scheduled for 36 hrs after I am given the trigger shot to do the IUI (intrauterine insemination aka artificial insemination). I also have progesterone injections from the prescription I was given when we were going to do IVF so I will discuss the use of those after the IUI when I see the doctor on the 24th. Progesterone helps with the thickening of the lining and the implantation of the egg. Hopefully, I will be given the go ahead on those.

   I'm excited and nervous! It's all starting. Hopefully this isn't a waste but I think that if we don't get pregnant this cycle, we will do a medicated non-IUI cycle next month. Hopefully the doctor is ok with that. 

Until next time,

The beginning of our IVF journey

  Yesterday we had our first appointment to start our IVF cycle. I received four medications. That turned into a debacle trying to get those scripts filled. Which then made me realize that once I start these meds, I'm going to be 100 times worse. I'm going to be given hormones to stimulate my cycle. I feel pity on my husband, my children and any poor soul I encounter in the next 30-45 days. Please pray for them, and me. lol 

   All this stuff starts next week, I have an appointment scheduled for the first day of my cycle. Then, hopefully they will explain to me how all of these medications work, how to take them and when to take them.  I'm feeling very confused and out of the loop on how this all works. The staff doesn't give a whole lot of details on what's happening and how it all works. Hopefully, they will at least explain the drugs and how to take them, when to take them and the appointments we have to make at our next appointment when my cycle starts. Until then, I'm reading what I can online.
   I found this general chart of the flow of IVF. This is helpful because now I have a general timeline. Thank goodness for the internet right?! 

Synarel/Lupron
(Approx. 12-15 days)

Baseline Ultrasound

Stimulation
(Approx. 10-12 days)

Trigger Shot

Egg Retrieval
(36-37 hours after trigger shot)

Embryo Transfer
(3-5 days after retrieval)

Pregnancy Test
(14 days after retrieval)

Ultrasounds
1st - Approx. 6 ½-7 weeks pregnant
2nd - Approx. 7 ½ - 8 ½ weeks pregnant
Release to OB at 8-10 weeks pregnant

The chart and any other information can be found here.

So as long as my cycle starts on time (C'mon Dec 19th!!), my time line is looking like we'd be able to find out if we're pregnant on Feb 1st or so. 

The more I read into this process, the more real it becomes. Let's pray one cycle is all we need! I'm feeling nervous, anxious and scared. At the same time, I'm excited, happy and can't wait to find out if this works. Is it too soon for baby names?? LOL 

Until next time,

Thoughts and Pros & Cons of Adoption

Last Friday, the RE gave Jay a prescription for Prednisone. Today he was finally able to get this prescription filled and will start taking them tonight. I've heard varying stories as to the success of prednisone. Some say that it helped and they got pregnant after taking it. Some say it helped temporarily by reducing the swelling and some sperm were able to get through. Then some say that it didn't help at all because they had already scarred over. Because of this all being a huge gamble one way or another, Jay and I have differing opinions on what we feel we should do. He would like to wait to see if the meds work and I want to go ahead with IVF. Again, affording IVF is a concern and right now I'm not sure we can afford it with out financing.

Adoption is also one of our options that we've been discussing. There for a short while, it was on the top of our list. I did research on all of our options and the more appealing one became, the deeper my research would become on that subject.

Pros for Adoption

• Give someone a better life by opening up our family to them
• If we adopt through foster care, it's cheaper and less risky of losing our paid fees.
• No stressful and expensive medical procedures
• Choice of race, age, sex of child we're adopting

Cons for Adoption

• No pregnancy, no birth experienced together
• Potential unknown health or behavioral issues
• Very expensive if seeking infant adoption or overseas adoption
• Strenuous process - home studies, lots of paperwork and interviews
• Risk of child not bonding with us

Jay was completely on board for moving directly to adoption. I was more skeptical. The cost is very comparable to a round of IVF w/ICSI and the process could take months if not years to complete depending on our requirements for our potential child. State adoptions are typically cheaper while adoption agencies charge upwards of $20,000 per placement. With state adoptions, the children are typically older and a lot of them have siblings trying to be placed with them. With agency adoptions, there are more options of age, sex and race. I don't feel as though race is a huge priority of ours. I feel as though if adoption is the route we take, when we meet that child that is OUR child, it won't matter what their race is.

I'd say this is probably still an option in the running but I keep moving it up and down on our list. 

As of right now, I am fearful of the age gap between our next child and our current children. If we were to get pregnant now, there will be almost a 5 year gap between Eli and the baby and a 7 year gap between Jayson and the baby. If we adopt, we could be looking at a process that takes months to complete, but we could adopt a child close to our children's age. To set myself at easy about having a baby, I decided that I'd try for two babies so they'd be close in age together, but if we go with IVF that will be harder to do since it's so expensive. If we adopt we could try to adopt a set of siblings close to our boys' age. If we decide to do the reversal, it'll put us on hold for a little while before being able to have the surgery but the possibility of multiple children of our own conceived naturally is back on the table. I suppose I should do a bigger scale pros and cons list with all possible options so we can see what's more likely suitable for us.

I'm still leaning more towards IVF for now because I feel like it has better chances of working out for us and sooner. If you'd like to donate to help us either afford IVF or a reversal re-do, please click the link above or to the right of the blog. 

Thanks! 

Until next time,

Follow Up with Specialist on 9/5/13

Well, This past Thursday I had a follow up with the specialist. To be honest, when they schedule the appointment, I wasn't entirely sure what I was going in for. During the previous appointment the Friday before, they had done blood work and an ultrasound to confirm ovulation and we discussed starting clomid next cycle to help us along. That's a whole other set of concerns of mine but we'll get to that later. Then they said to schedule an appointment for next Thursday and I assumed it was to go over the clomid, how to use it, when to use it and give me my prescription on top of checking my progesterone levels at 7dpo. Two birds, one stone... except I was wrong. It was ONLY to check my progesterone. I got called back by a nurse or lab tech, she took my blood and then told me they would call me with the results. WAIT WHAT?! I drove an HOUR and half ONE way to get blood drawn?! I could have done that in Sierra Vista! Ugh. So now I'm irked that they didn't discuss exactly what we going on and what I was coming in for. Looks like I'll be a little bit more persistent about what I'm scheduling when I schedule it instead of just doing what I'm told.

Now the clomid part, when we originally saw Dr. Gelety, we discussed trying for a few months and switching to IUI around the 6 month mark. When I came in for the ultrasound, Dr. Gelety was very busy and RNP Marta did the ultrasound and blood work. Then she said that she wanted to start me on clomid next cycle. Wait, huh? I thought we were trying for a few months and then going to IUI around the 6 month mark? Of course I didn't ask her because I don't think she knows what she's talking about. So now I have to call the office and speak to someone who can find out what Dr. Gelety wants us to do because as of right now my guidance is to call when my period starts to get my prescription of clomid. Logically it makes sense to put me on clomid for a couple cycles before trying IUI to see if giving Jay some extra eggs to aim for helps instead of going straight from natural to IUI but I feel in the dark since no one actually laid out this path before me and explained things. Fortunately, I'm smart enough to draw fairly logical conclusions as to why they're doing it but I would like to understand the thoughts and process the doctor is putting us on. I do really like Dr. Gelety and I don't really know Marta yet but I've heard some bad reviews about her. I don't foresee me really liking her and her approach. Hopefully I'll see Dr. Gelety only from here on out.

Today I am 9dpo and am anxious to find out if I'm pregnant. Aunt Flo should show no later than next Friday but I know I'll be testing between now and then. Wish me luck!

Until Next Time,

Second Fertility Appointment Update

Today was my fertility appointment. They did an ultrasound to check my uterus lining and ovaries. I ovulated yesterday from my left ovary and the ultrasound showed exactly that. It's nice to know how in tune with my body I've become over these past few cycles. Three months ago I wouldn't have been able to tell you if I've ever ovulated a day in my life (except the two beautiful children that prove that I have at least twice) but now I can pin point it down to a few hours. My lining looks good according to the doc and she even pointed it out to me. They should be calling with my progesterone levels unless they'll just wait until my appointment next week. I go in next Thursday and the doctor wants me to start fertility medications during the next cycle to increase our chances due to the lower sperm count. I think they'll give me clomid but I guess I'll find out next week.

As of right now we have about 3 to 6 million sperm that could possibly get to the one egg each cycle, as long as we time everything right. If I'm put on clomid then it will give those 3 to 6 million sperm two eggs to possibly get to each cycle. Since I just ovulated, I could possibly be pregnant and I'll know in about two weeks.

These next two weeks will be the longest two weeks of my life. At least I have stuff to do to keep my mind off just wondering if I'm pregnant.

ETA: I got a phone call about my progesterone and my level is 1.86. The nurse said I most definitely ovulated but it was very recently, which I already knew because of my pains yesterday morning and the ultrasound today. YAY! Hopefully we get pregnant!

Until next time,

This One's for the Guys

So Traci and I are currently in our third cycle since having my reversal. It hasn’t been easy for us, but I honestly feel that things will get better. I say that with some reluctance, because this cycle particularly has been difficult. It’s difficult because I have made some mistakes as it pertains to my “duties” in the conception. I do not want to get into the specifics of my flaws (which there are many), but I want any man reading this who is in the same position as me to know that you HAVE to take this seriously if a child is something you truly want.

Some things are easy to forget, and for me, I tend to forget a lot. Luckily I have a wife like Traci, who constantly reminds me of things I need to be doing. I know my reactions to these reminders are not always what they should be, and ultimately I shouldn’t need to be reminded as much as I am. So fellas, take it from me, LISTEN! Get rid of your bad habits, and realize what the goal is. If you want it bad enough you will make the changes. I’m not trying to kiss @$$ here, the few things I have to remember are nothing in comparison to what your spouse has to put up with, especially if you already have children and your spouse is a stay at home Supermom.

Here’s my attempt to give the male demographic an idea of some difficulties I’ve had:

1.       CELL PHONE. If your sperm count is low, just hold that thing in your hand! This is probably the most difficult thing for me to do because I have developed a habit since becoming a cell phone user to just put it in my pocket. This is a huge NO-GO if you are trying to conceive, especially if you are like myself and have had a vasectomy reversal.

2.       SUPPLEMENTS. Once again, these things are designed to help, so why wouldn’t you take them? Well for me, it’s another thing that is sometimes hard to remember. But I will tell you this, THEY WORK! My sperm count increased by approximately 10 million in under two weeks on my supplements. Do what you have to do to remember. Do what you have to do to ensure your spouse doesn’t have to remind you all the time (this factor will come into play later). TAKE THEM TAKE THEM TAKE THEM!

3.       ALCOHOL. They say that drinking a drink every so often won’t impact too awful much. Guess what? Limiting yourself to one drink every so often is difficult if you are accustom to drinking more regularly. It takes self control and a sense of responsibility. Unfortunately, I have difficulty with this. So my recommendation to you is DON’T DRINK! Simple as that.

4.       SEX.  As a man this subject should seem rather simple, show up, get business done, and repeat. Let me tell you that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Although sex during a cycle could seem regimental, don’t think of it as such. Don’t just think of it as a duty to get pregnant. If you know your wife’s cycle schedule, you should have an idea of when you’ll be having sex. Use this opportunity to get closer to your spouse. Take advantage of this time to rekindle the relationship in ways you typically may not have the chance to do. I write this knowing that this is another one of my shortfalls, but will definitely be one of the things will be working on. And remember what I said about the reminders? If your spouse has to constantly get on you about things, that will make the whole sex thing more of a job for the spouse, rather than something special shared between husband and wife.

I believe that open forums and blogs like this one are tools for people to learn from others, and I hope that at least one husband who is trying to become a dad (again for some) will read this and get something out of it. It’s harder than you would think, but can be made easier if you are proactive. Up to this point I have not been the most proactive husband, but in writing this, I have been able to look at myself a little harder to see what needs to be done. Men, take charge of your lives, and help out wherever you can.

Traci, I love you

Everyone else, until next time,

Jay

Fertility Specialist Appointment Update

Well, it took a little longer than we had expected to get the referral through so we had to reschedule our first appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). So a few days after cancelling the appointment, we get our referral approval in the mail and we were able to schedule our appointment for August 8th.

Yesterday morning we dropped Jayson off to school and headed to Tucson where the RE's office is. We get there about 30 minutes early, fill out our paperwork and get called back. We sit in a little consult room for about 15-20 minutes before the doctor comes in. He was very nice, listened to us talk and went over our history and concerns with us. Then he went over his plan of action. Since the first day of my last cycle was July 9th, he decided I should do a pregnancy test there in the office to see if I was pregnant before we proceed forward. He also ordered another SA on Jay.

The doctor's plan of action is that if we don't get pregnant on our own in a few months, we will try an IUI with clomid. I don't think he actually gave a time line for when we'll do it. I think 6 months but again, I don't remember him saying a specific time line. In the discussion he mentioned 3-4 months and 6 months but I can't remember if either of these were our time line. He said his biggest concern is to make sure we get pregnant before DH has the chance to scar over or before his counts start to decrease. The doctor wants to continuously monitor Jay to make sure everything is going well but if we see a few SAs that show his numbers declining, the doctor will fast track us to the IUI.

The SA yesterday was much better than last months so I'm happy about that! The SAs were about 3 weeks apart.
             Last Month                               This Month                      Changes
Count    5.2 mil/mL                                 19 mil/mL                        +13.8mil/ml
Motility  20%                                          31.6%                             +11.6%
Morph   90% abnormal                           50% abnormal heads       -40% abnormalities
pH         8.5                                            8.0                                  -0.5
WBC     Not tested                                 0

I'm very pleased to see the improvements across the board. This is very promising and if the improvements keep getting better I have a feeling we'll be pregnant in 2 or 3 more cycles. Unfortunately we only have 2, maybe 3 more cycles before Jay leaves for WOCS for a month. But we can pick right back up in December when he returns.

My blood pregnancy test came back negative but it's quite possible that the numbers just weren't good enough two weeks ago. I'm not late for my period yet. I'm not expecting it until Monday or Tuesday. Yesterday I was 11 days past ovulation. Not trying to say I'm pregnant and the blood test was wrong, but there is a slim possibility. I'm not holding my breath though. I'm just not the type of person that can ignore facts.

Since I believe the blood test is probably acurate, I had a nice big glass of wine last night. It was my first drink since the 4th of July and it was DELICIOUS! lol I think I might need to indulge a little bit more often so I don't feel so deprived of so much. I've been so good while trying to conceive that it's actually starting to stress me out which I believe is probably more harm to the cause than some of things I've cut out. So no more stressing (I'm gonna try) and more relaxing! Just gotta find the ways.

We left the doctor's office after we gave our samples but with out any guidance as to when to schedule our follow up. So Jay called yesterday and the doctor was out on an emergency, (What kind of emergency could a fertility doctor have?) and the office staff said to call back to schedule when I started my period. Alright... but why? What are we doing? I'm so confused. Not that the doctor was confusing but because I forgot to ask when we left the office and that was my bad. Ugh. So hopefully we'll get some answers today.

On to cycle #3 of trying! I'm going to take a new approach to the whole thing this time. Relaxation, no stressing out about getting pregnant. I'm sure I'll stress but hopefully about everyday things like school work and bills instead of pregnancy tests and ovulation kits! lol

Until next time!