Labor Notes from My Birth Doula

Parker's Birth Notes - February 26th, 2015

4:30-5 Gyro (Contractions started around 6 p.m.)
6:30-7 Pineapple smoothie

7 p.m. Water broke, lightly stained

7:21 Phone call from Jay, you'd like me to come. 

8:15 I arrive

8:30 I suggest we all leave you alone so you can rest in between. Contractions every 3 minutes, about 35 seconds. (Everyone except Jay, goes to the dining room to wait for labor to progress)

8:40 Casey leaves, says she can come back at any time.

10:09 "Last 8 contractions are lasting a minute or longer." - Jay 

10:17 Loud vocalization & I check in with you.

10:23 You want me to stay in the room with you.

10:35 I insist that you get up to use the restroom. You are not happy when I suggest you stay on the toilet for another contraction.

10:45 You say you're pushing during the contraction.

10:47 You request the tub, but I suggest waiting for Madeleine as I know she's nearly here.

11:09 Madeleine says baby is so low, you must be complete. Tammy suggest low sounds when you bear down.

11:10 Heart rate "Good!" Madeleine says

11:12 Madeleine suggest you make your hips wider as you push.

11:17 Madeleine says "He's right there"

11:26    "  asks if you want to touch his head, you do and exclaim "Oh my God!"

11:27 Heart rate check "great" Madeleine says

11:33 Madeleine attempts to feel for baby, you tell her not to touch & Madeleine tells Tammy she thought baby may be crowning

11:35 "I've never wanted anything out of my body so bad."

11:36 Madeleine: "This is great, he's just molding".

11:38 "I can feel him right there, it hurts so bad."

11:39 Madeleine dons her headlamp

11:47 Madeleine suggests getting out of the tub, maybe the stool? "Noooo!" You say. 

In between contractions you rest your head on your hands.

Extra long pushes.

11:51  You look at the clock & roll your eyes.

11:57 Madeleine suggests you hold the noise in, focus all your energy down.

11:58 Tammy suggests that you rock your hips.

11:59 "Gimme your hands" you tell Jay

February 27th

12:01 "I'm sorry"

12:02 Heart rate ✅ (Check) "He's very low in that canal"

12:08 "I felt like he was just going to come out" you say after this contraction. Jay says "That's good!" Madeleine again suggests changing position, perhaps the toilet, the hot water can exhaust you. "I feel like water makes them less intense" you say.

12:10 Change position, you move to sit on the tub "step" with Jay sitting behind you. Your wedding day picture mirrors the scene. 

Tammy: "I see his head, go ahead and feel him"

Jay: "That's all he was waiting for, the 27th!" 

Madeleine: "You're doing so great, He's right there!"

12:16 "it's cold" fan off

12:23 You ask: "Does he go back in?" Madeleine explains only slightly, to where he's comfortable.

12:25 Heart rate check, but stops as contraction starts.

12:27 Tammy explains that baby needs to come under your pubic bone, and to bring your pelvis forward . Heart rate good.

12:29 Madeleine suggests you change position, if only for a few minutes. You move to the birth stool.

12:32 "The urge to push is always there" you say, "I don't like this".

12:36 Heart rate check, "the heart rate is slow, let's get him out."

12:38 Move to the bed, with Jay sitting behind you

12:49 Baby born! "MOM!!!" you yell

1:27 Grandma (Gigi) gets to hold her brand new grandson 

1:28 Jay: "You smell like a bait shop!" - "I like you"

9lbs 4oz

22 inches long

-small tear

  Lidocaine used for repair

Congratulations!

❤️ Lea

Approaching 40 weeks pregnant

As I'm sure many people are wondering how I'm doing as I approach my 40th week of pregnancy, I'm over being asked. At 38 weeks, I deactivated my Facebook page and went silent for the most part. The constant question of if I've had the baby yet is really annoying and I was becoming irritable. As I get closer to my due date, people have taken to asking my close friends and family if I've had the baby yet. 

When did this stop being MY news to share? No, I have not had Parker yet. Please don't call or text my mom or husband (or anyone else) to ask if I have. We will tell the world when we are ready. I do understand that everyone is excited and trust me no one is more ready for this baby to be born than I am. But I am not just having another baby here, I am overcoming eight, yes...EIGHT years of birth trauma. I am gearing up to do one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I will ever do in my whole life. I don't need the constant questions or check ups. I need love, support and my peace. Almost exactly eight years ago I was taken down a path in my birth I wasn't mentally, emotionally or physically ready to go down. I spent several months with postpartum depression and I was on antidepressants after giving birth to Jayson. I am taking control of that path and changing the outcome this time. This takes so much mental and emotional energy on top of just being pregnant that I can't handle the constant questions, comments and concerns of the people peering in. I'm sorry I've shut you all out but I really have done so for my benefit. 

Maybe I'll have him tomorrow. Maybe I won't. When he's here and I am ready to share my story, don't for one second think you'll get out of hearing all about it. I am a sharer, some would say an over-sharer but this is one time in my life where I need the highest amount of privacy and consideration. 

Know that I love you all and I will be back to chat with you all soon. 

Until then, 

Traci

Almost one third of the way done!

Today I am 28 weeks pregnant with our little VR baby. He is healthy and going strong. Everything with me seems fine and dandy. My physician put in for my glucose test to be done this week. I just have to decide when I'm going to go in to do it. I hate these tests but I'm just gonna do it since I've never had any issues with them being negative before. I sort of just want to get it over with.

Since I'm healthy and Parker is healthy as of now, I've been thinking a lot about the "what ifs". I know what if's aren't necessarily a good thing to focus on but I want to have a plan, at least a general plan, in place IF something goes wrong. Like *IF* Parker is Breech?! What do I do? Tripler won't let women deliver a baby vaginally breech, no matter what their previous history is. My midwife isn't comfortable doing it at home since I've never delivered vaginally before. So do I succumb to giving birth via repeat cesarean again or do I fight tooth and nail for a vaginal birth because babies turn even in the last minutes?

Last week, I saw my physician for my 27 week check up and she made it clear that if she didn't have my surgical records from my previous cesareans then we would have to schedule a repeat c-section. That was a hard blow for me. Fortunately, when I went down stairs to records they had received my surgical records for my last cesarean but not for my first. Hopefully, that is the best option if we only get one. Wouldn't she want at minimum the most recent surgical record since it'll detail what it was like in surgery after the first surgery healed? Of course I worry anyway. What if we don't get my surgical records from eight years ago? Will she be set on scheduling a repeat surgery? Should I start looking for new doctors now or wait until I see her again to decide?

Then I have my fears. My past experiences haunt me. I won't give up my dreams of giving birth vaginally but my fears still sneak up from time to time. My biggest fear is another emergency c-section. That is the scariest (and more possible) outcome to me. Of course I find death of myself or my baby to be terrifying but it's not as likely a scenario.

I've had two deliveries, of those two deliveries the failure and emergency c-section was the worst. Not only is it soul crushing to fail (for me at least) but the recovery of an 'emergency cesarean' after hours of your body working tirelessly to give birth vaginally is excruciating and depressing. Lifting my infant was a painful chore for weeks, imagine being here with two very active older children on top of a newborn who is in desperate need of my attention at all times. Walking was damn near impossible for almost a week after the emergency cesarean, imagine trying to do anything outside of the home with three children, two of which are active and some what hyper. I couldn't maintain order the way a parent is supposed to. How would I grocery shop, run errands or go to doctors visits?

Of course, I want to give birth vaginally but to fail and end up in a c-section anyway is scary. There is no way to know if that will or won't happen. There is no guarantee that everything will go as planned. I'm preparing myself as best as I can but at the end of the day, I'm still scared of enduring that pain again. Hopefully this time around, I'll have my husband home to help me if I do have to have a c-section. He does get ten days paternity leave, with little to no leave left after our emergency leave. If I am lucky, my mom and sister will be here during the birth or at the very least after he's born (hopefully!) to help me out some but they're only here for a week. Hopefully Jay will be able to help even after his paternity leave by having shorter days or changing shifts to accommodate the family's needs. Only time will tell.

These are just a few of the things on my mind as I near the end of the pregnancy. In the end, things always work out and I'm far more resilient than I give myself credit for. Look at my track record, I've given birth via c-section twice to my babies while my husband was in a war zone. I think that gives me a little bit of "street cred". LOL!

Until next time,

20-21 Weeks

I just saw my PCM today after my ultrasound on Friday. Baby is doing great. My uterus is the size it's supposed to be for 21 weeks and everything sounds good with baby.

At 20 weeks and 3 days he was approximately 12 oz and 10 inches long. He's measuring about 4 days ahead of schedule but he has a really tall family so I'm not surprised at all there.

During the ultrasound, they noticed my cervix is shorter than they like it to be but still in their "okay" range. They want it to be no shorter than 2.5 but prefer it to be greater than 3 and I'm at a 2.6. I go back in on Friday to make sure it's not getting shorter because if it is shortening already that could cause some issues. It is one of the signs of preterm labor. The doctor was explaining to me today that if it is getting shorter, I'll have to go on bed rest and/or eventually have my cervix sewn shut to prevent preterm labor before baby is ready. Of course the one ultrasound is just a snap shot but the follow up on Friday should reveal whether or not I'm at risk. I'm curious if all of this is due to the stress I've been under plus all the traveling I've done the past month.

On the plus side, Parker is still doing great. He heart rate was strong today and I'm gaining weight instead of losing finally! I'm still one pound under what my pre-pregnancy weight was but doctor didn't seem concerned at all.

20 Weeks and going strong!

Until Next Time!

12 down, 28 to go!

This week I hit 12 weeks into the pregnancy. The chance of miscarriage drops greatly after this week, which is a huge relief. Baby's heartbeat is going strong and I even got a peek at baby at my OB appointment during week 11! 

Nausea is still hanging around but it's not too terrible. It's mostly just random spouts of dry heaving. It's not fun but much more tolerable than actually getting sick.

During my OB visit, my OB and I discussed a few things. One of those things is my Medullary Sponge Kidney and how it might affect this pregnancy. Of course, this is something I've had all my life but we recently found out about in the past two years. Since she wasn't sure if it would or wouldn't affect me, she put me in for a consult with Antepartum Diagnosis Center to be sure. Next, we discussed if she felt comfortable with my decision to VBA2C. While I do plan on having a home birth, I need to go into this journey knowing I have back ups if something falls through. If I become to nervous or anxious to birth at home, I want to know that I'm not signing consent to surgery just because I walk into the hospital. She seemed uncomfortable and that's mostly because she's NOT an OB/GYN. She's a family physician that delivers babies. She said she would discuss this with some high risk OBs and see if she can get someone to back her up so that I can TOLAC (Trial of labor after cesarean) and if anything goes wrong, there are surgeons and other emergent medical staff there to assist where my physician can not. I completely understand that. It makes absolute sense to me.

I saw the Antepartum OB this passed Friday and I had a WONDERFUL conversation with him. While walking to his office, he told me he is resident high risk OB. I immediately decided I would bring my plans to VBA2C. Of course we first discussed how my diagnosis could affect my pregnancy, he doesn't believe it will. He suggests that we go forward with this pregnancy just like any other normal healthy pregnancy and if something comes up at my 20 week anatomy scan then we will go from there. Then I told him about my plans to VBAC and asked what I should do since my physician seemed a little nervous about the idea. We discussed my previous births and why I had cesareans. When that was covered, he said I sound like an excellent candidate for TOLAC and that my physician will be completely backed up by OB since they're the ones on call. He even said he'd write her a note stating such. He really made me feel like I could do this! Which I was sooo happy to hear. He was such a great doctor who didn't try to scare me. He did go over the risks of a VBAC but he ALSO went over the risks of a third cesarean! He said as long as I know the risks of my choice, he and the OB clinic would support my decision. Such a wonderful and relieving visit.

To some this might sound silly that I'm so excited about this visit to see my doctors but having someone supportive means the WORLD. There was such a weight on my shoulders that I was worrying myself over how things would go if I didn't have a supportive hospital to back me up if I chickened out of the home birth. I like safety nets.

Now to move forward with my plans and prepare as much as possible before this little monkey arrives! 

Until next time! 

Be Still My Heart

After over a week of trying and searching for the baby's heart beat, I finally broke down and called Crystal to find out what exactly I'm looking for! I've read about it until I thought I knew what I was looking for but evidently I was wrong. I thought I was looking for a fast heart beat of about 150 to 170 bpm but I found out that it can vary depending on the age of the fetus and that as low as 90 bpm to 110 bpm is normal for weeks 7 - 8 but during week 8 it starts to pick up and by weeks 9 - 10  it should be up to 140 to 170 bpm. Of course we are no doctors and we may have even missed a few beats but I had Jay time himself and count the beats for a whole minute and it came out around 91-95 bpm and when we check my pulse to ensure we weren't accidentally listening to my heart beat, mine was about high 70's to low 80's.

Once we were pretty sure we had found the heart beat, we sat and listened for a while. I was the one holding onto the fetal doppler and the probe that locates the heart beat. I found a good spot and just let it sit there. While listening, I didn't move the probe at all and the heart beat started fading in and out and getting stronger and lighter. We were pretty sure by that point that it was baby and not one of my veins or arteries because they wouldn't move around like that. Jay was pretty excited.

For those that don't know, Jay and I have had two boys together but each time I found out I was pregnant Jay was on his way to Iraq. He's missed both pregnancies and births of our first two children and he has no idea what this is like at all. So last night, was his first time hearing one of his babies' heart beats from in the womb.  As we enter the time of midwife appointments, ultrasounds, and OB appointments, Jay will start to see some of the stuff I went through with both previous pregnancies. So far this first trimester has been a little of both my previous ones. With Jayson, I wouldn't have known I was pregnant besides the exhaustion. With Eli, I was sick as a dog most of the time and by the time the 2nd trimester came, I had lost a little bit of weight because of how nauseous I was. This pregnancy has had a little nausea here and there but sometimes I can't tell I'm pregnant except for I KNOW I saw the two lines and I haven't had my cycle since May! lol

I was supposed to have an appointment with the OB yesterday but they called and rescheduled it for August 5th since they want me to be past 10 weeks and I'm not yet. Today marks 8 weeks and 4 days so I will be 11 weeks on the day of my OB appointment. I also have a Midwife appointment on August 2nd and I have already scheduled our 3D/4D ultrasound (we didn't do this with the first two) to find out the gender at 15 weeks. Hopefully we'll be able to find out then, they said they can tell as early as 13 weeks but that seems way too early to me. I'm tempted to change our appointment so it's after I'm 16 weeks but I'm just too anxious to wait! When would you do it? After 16 weeks or after 18 weeks or just wait for the normal 20 week ultrasound?

Let me hear what you have to say!

It's HAPPENING!

My dreams of a natural birth are coming true! I met and hired my midwife today. I knew while in the office that she was the one and that I didn't need to shop around at all. I felt at ease, excited and confident while speaking with her. She spoke to me as a peer and not as an uneducated child who needed to be managed by her superior education, which I loved! She answered ALL of my questions and told me how the whole process would go. I absolutely adored her and we have only met once so far.

I really feel that this is the right path. I've never felt so confident in my body before today! I just finished the intake paperwork on their website and schedule my first appointment to see her. Today was just an interview/consultation. Not only is she a midwife but she is a Naturopathic Doctor also, which is very refreshing. I plan on keeping her on as baby's pediatrician for the first year so I don't have to hear all the lectures about a delayed immunization plan. She was very accepting of the idea and I loved how laid back and go with the flow she was. Never once did I feel judged for my decisions but instead I felt supported and encouraged to follow my intuition.

Now to ensure I have a healthy diet, exercise plan and positive mood surrounding this pregnancy to prepare me for labor. It will have been eight years since I've experienced labor by the time I have this baby. I think this time I will prepare better for labor pain management. Feel free to share the methods or classes you took to prepare yourself for labor. I didn't do anything before Jayson and I managed the pain fairly well up until I was "coerced" into an early epidural. I honestly believe that my sheer stubbornness and will to do this naturally COULD pull me through this but I'd prefer to be as prepared as possible instead of believing my body will tell me what to do when I get there.


I am approximately 4 weeks along, which is very early and the risk of miscarriage is still high. The risk should drop as I near and go past 12 weeks. Even with being fairly early, the exhaustion, heart burn and slight nausea have kicked in. So far it hasn't been unbearable but I feel like it will become difficult as I approach 12 weeks.


I'm feeling excited, relaxed and very sure about the path I have chosen for my birth. Even if we end up in the hospital, at least I KNOW I did all that I could to avoid unnecessary medical interventions. My midwife seems very sure about when and why we would want to do a hospital transfer and with everything we discussed today, I feel confident in following her guidance. Jay also seemed very at ease with everything too which gave me even more clarity about the path we have chosen.

Until next time,

The beginning of our IVF journey

  Yesterday we had our first appointment to start our IVF cycle. I received four medications. That turned into a debacle trying to get those scripts filled. Which then made me realize that once I start these meds, I'm going to be 100 times worse. I'm going to be given hormones to stimulate my cycle. I feel pity on my husband, my children and any poor soul I encounter in the next 30-45 days. Please pray for them, and me. lol 

   All this stuff starts next week, I have an appointment scheduled for the first day of my cycle. Then, hopefully they will explain to me how all of these medications work, how to take them and when to take them.  I'm feeling very confused and out of the loop on how this all works. The staff doesn't give a whole lot of details on what's happening and how it all works. Hopefully, they will at least explain the drugs and how to take them, when to take them and the appointments we have to make at our next appointment when my cycle starts. Until then, I'm reading what I can online.
   I found this general chart of the flow of IVF. This is helpful because now I have a general timeline. Thank goodness for the internet right?! 

Synarel/Lupron
(Approx. 12-15 days)

Baseline Ultrasound

Stimulation
(Approx. 10-12 days)

Trigger Shot

Egg Retrieval
(36-37 hours after trigger shot)

Embryo Transfer
(3-5 days after retrieval)

Pregnancy Test
(14 days after retrieval)

Ultrasounds
1st - Approx. 6 ½-7 weeks pregnant
2nd - Approx. 7 ½ - 8 ½ weeks pregnant
Release to OB at 8-10 weeks pregnant

The chart and any other information can be found here.

So as long as my cycle starts on time (C'mon Dec 19th!!), my time line is looking like we'd be able to find out if we're pregnant on Feb 1st or so. 

The more I read into this process, the more real it becomes. Let's pray one cycle is all we need! I'm feeling nervous, anxious and scared. At the same time, I'm excited, happy and can't wait to find out if this works. Is it too soon for baby names?? LOL 

Until next time,

Thoughts and Pros & Cons of Adoption

Last Friday, the RE gave Jay a prescription for Prednisone. Today he was finally able to get this prescription filled and will start taking them tonight. I've heard varying stories as to the success of prednisone. Some say that it helped and they got pregnant after taking it. Some say it helped temporarily by reducing the swelling and some sperm were able to get through. Then some say that it didn't help at all because they had already scarred over. Because of this all being a huge gamble one way or another, Jay and I have differing opinions on what we feel we should do. He would like to wait to see if the meds work and I want to go ahead with IVF. Again, affording IVF is a concern and right now I'm not sure we can afford it with out financing.

Adoption is also one of our options that we've been discussing. There for a short while, it was on the top of our list. I did research on all of our options and the more appealing one became, the deeper my research would become on that subject.

Pros for Adoption

• Give someone a better life by opening up our family to them
• If we adopt through foster care, it's cheaper and less risky of losing our paid fees.
• No stressful and expensive medical procedures
• Choice of race, age, sex of child we're adopting

Cons for Adoption

• No pregnancy, no birth experienced together
• Potential unknown health or behavioral issues
• Very expensive if seeking infant adoption or overseas adoption
• Strenuous process - home studies, lots of paperwork and interviews
• Risk of child not bonding with us

Jay was completely on board for moving directly to adoption. I was more skeptical. The cost is very comparable to a round of IVF w/ICSI and the process could take months if not years to complete depending on our requirements for our potential child. State adoptions are typically cheaper while adoption agencies charge upwards of $20,000 per placement. With state adoptions, the children are typically older and a lot of them have siblings trying to be placed with them. With agency adoptions, there are more options of age, sex and race. I don't feel as though race is a huge priority of ours. I feel as though if adoption is the route we take, when we meet that child that is OUR child, it won't matter what their race is.

I'd say this is probably still an option in the running but I keep moving it up and down on our list. 

As of right now, I am fearful of the age gap between our next child and our current children. If we were to get pregnant now, there will be almost a 5 year gap between Eli and the baby and a 7 year gap between Jayson and the baby. If we adopt, we could be looking at a process that takes months to complete, but we could adopt a child close to our children's age. To set myself at easy about having a baby, I decided that I'd try for two babies so they'd be close in age together, but if we go with IVF that will be harder to do since it's so expensive. If we adopt we could try to adopt a set of siblings close to our boys' age. If we decide to do the reversal, it'll put us on hold for a little while before being able to have the surgery but the possibility of multiple children of our own conceived naturally is back on the table. I suppose I should do a bigger scale pros and cons list with all possible options so we can see what's more likely suitable for us.

I'm still leaning more towards IVF for now because I feel like it has better chances of working out for us and sooner. If you'd like to donate to help us either afford IVF or a reversal re-do, please click the link above or to the right of the blog. 

Thanks! 

Until next time,

Follow Up with Specialist on 9/5/13

Well, This past Thursday I had a follow up with the specialist. To be honest, when they schedule the appointment, I wasn't entirely sure what I was going in for. During the previous appointment the Friday before, they had done blood work and an ultrasound to confirm ovulation and we discussed starting clomid next cycle to help us along. That's a whole other set of concerns of mine but we'll get to that later. Then they said to schedule an appointment for next Thursday and I assumed it was to go over the clomid, how to use it, when to use it and give me my prescription on top of checking my progesterone levels at 7dpo. Two birds, one stone... except I was wrong. It was ONLY to check my progesterone. I got called back by a nurse or lab tech, she took my blood and then told me they would call me with the results. WAIT WHAT?! I drove an HOUR and half ONE way to get blood drawn?! I could have done that in Sierra Vista! Ugh. So now I'm irked that they didn't discuss exactly what we going on and what I was coming in for. Looks like I'll be a little bit more persistent about what I'm scheduling when I schedule it instead of just doing what I'm told.

Now the clomid part, when we originally saw Dr. Gelety, we discussed trying for a few months and switching to IUI around the 6 month mark. When I came in for the ultrasound, Dr. Gelety was very busy and RNP Marta did the ultrasound and blood work. Then she said that she wanted to start me on clomid next cycle. Wait, huh? I thought we were trying for a few months and then going to IUI around the 6 month mark? Of course I didn't ask her because I don't think she knows what she's talking about. So now I have to call the office and speak to someone who can find out what Dr. Gelety wants us to do because as of right now my guidance is to call when my period starts to get my prescription of clomid. Logically it makes sense to put me on clomid for a couple cycles before trying IUI to see if giving Jay some extra eggs to aim for helps instead of going straight from natural to IUI but I feel in the dark since no one actually laid out this path before me and explained things. Fortunately, I'm smart enough to draw fairly logical conclusions as to why they're doing it but I would like to understand the thoughts and process the doctor is putting us on. I do really like Dr. Gelety and I don't really know Marta yet but I've heard some bad reviews about her. I don't foresee me really liking her and her approach. Hopefully I'll see Dr. Gelety only from here on out.

Today I am 9dpo and am anxious to find out if I'm pregnant. Aunt Flo should show no later than next Friday but I know I'll be testing between now and then. Wish me luck!

Until Next Time,

Second Fertility Appointment Update

Today was my fertility appointment. They did an ultrasound to check my uterus lining and ovaries. I ovulated yesterday from my left ovary and the ultrasound showed exactly that. It's nice to know how in tune with my body I've become over these past few cycles. Three months ago I wouldn't have been able to tell you if I've ever ovulated a day in my life (except the two beautiful children that prove that I have at least twice) but now I can pin point it down to a few hours. My lining looks good according to the doc and she even pointed it out to me. They should be calling with my progesterone levels unless they'll just wait until my appointment next week. I go in next Thursday and the doctor wants me to start fertility medications during the next cycle to increase our chances due to the lower sperm count. I think they'll give me clomid but I guess I'll find out next week.

As of right now we have about 3 to 6 million sperm that could possibly get to the one egg each cycle, as long as we time everything right. If I'm put on clomid then it will give those 3 to 6 million sperm two eggs to possibly get to each cycle. Since I just ovulated, I could possibly be pregnant and I'll know in about two weeks.

These next two weeks will be the longest two weeks of my life. At least I have stuff to do to keep my mind off just wondering if I'm pregnant.

ETA: I got a phone call about my progesterone and my level is 1.86. The nurse said I most definitely ovulated but it was very recently, which I already knew because of my pains yesterday morning and the ultrasound today. YAY! Hopefully we get pregnant!

Until next time,

This One's for the Guys

So Traci and I are currently in our third cycle since having my reversal. It hasn’t been easy for us, but I honestly feel that things will get better. I say that with some reluctance, because this cycle particularly has been difficult. It’s difficult because I have made some mistakes as it pertains to my “duties” in the conception. I do not want to get into the specifics of my flaws (which there are many), but I want any man reading this who is in the same position as me to know that you HAVE to take this seriously if a child is something you truly want.

Some things are easy to forget, and for me, I tend to forget a lot. Luckily I have a wife like Traci, who constantly reminds me of things I need to be doing. I know my reactions to these reminders are not always what they should be, and ultimately I shouldn’t need to be reminded as much as I am. So fellas, take it from me, LISTEN! Get rid of your bad habits, and realize what the goal is. If you want it bad enough you will make the changes. I’m not trying to kiss @$$ here, the few things I have to remember are nothing in comparison to what your spouse has to put up with, especially if you already have children and your spouse is a stay at home Supermom.

Here’s my attempt to give the male demographic an idea of some difficulties I’ve had:

1.       CELL PHONE. If your sperm count is low, just hold that thing in your hand! This is probably the most difficult thing for me to do because I have developed a habit since becoming a cell phone user to just put it in my pocket. This is a huge NO-GO if you are trying to conceive, especially if you are like myself and have had a vasectomy reversal.

2.       SUPPLEMENTS. Once again, these things are designed to help, so why wouldn’t you take them? Well for me, it’s another thing that is sometimes hard to remember. But I will tell you this, THEY WORK! My sperm count increased by approximately 10 million in under two weeks on my supplements. Do what you have to do to remember. Do what you have to do to ensure your spouse doesn’t have to remind you all the time (this factor will come into play later). TAKE THEM TAKE THEM TAKE THEM!

3.       ALCOHOL. They say that drinking a drink every so often won’t impact too awful much. Guess what? Limiting yourself to one drink every so often is difficult if you are accustom to drinking more regularly. It takes self control and a sense of responsibility. Unfortunately, I have difficulty with this. So my recommendation to you is DON’T DRINK! Simple as that.

4.       SEX.  As a man this subject should seem rather simple, show up, get business done, and repeat. Let me tell you that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Although sex during a cycle could seem regimental, don’t think of it as such. Don’t just think of it as a duty to get pregnant. If you know your wife’s cycle schedule, you should have an idea of when you’ll be having sex. Use this opportunity to get closer to your spouse. Take advantage of this time to rekindle the relationship in ways you typically may not have the chance to do. I write this knowing that this is another one of my shortfalls, but will definitely be one of the things will be working on. And remember what I said about the reminders? If your spouse has to constantly get on you about things, that will make the whole sex thing more of a job for the spouse, rather than something special shared between husband and wife.

I believe that open forums and blogs like this one are tools for people to learn from others, and I hope that at least one husband who is trying to become a dad (again for some) will read this and get something out of it. It’s harder than you would think, but can be made easier if you are proactive. Up to this point I have not been the most proactive husband, but in writing this, I have been able to look at myself a little harder to see what needs to be done. Men, take charge of your lives, and help out wherever you can.

Traci, I love you

Everyone else, until next time,

Jay

Cycle #3: Does starting over every month get less frustrating?

Yesterday marked the first day of our third cycle. It's painful to find out every month that our efforts aren't working. I know it's only been two months but there is a lot of emotion that goes into this every time. Though this time I did feel a little bit of relief when I wasn't pregnant, though not much. The relief is because of our impending PCS. If I had gotten pregnant last cycle, I would have been due on April 20th and Jay's report date is April 25th for Fort Shafter, Hi. The stress that keeps compounding each month is that it won't happen before Jay leaves for school in October. Last month my cycle was a little longer than usual so now I don't think we'll be able to try in October before he leaves for school so we have August and September to try and if it doesn't happen then, we can't start trying again until December.

Trying to get pregnant while your spouse is in the military is far more difficult than it should be. Trying to schedule two unmovable events is impossible and extremely stressful for someone like me, someone that likes to plan and schedule everything. I'm sure it will happen eventually, especially with his better numbers.

On the upside, my PCM put in my referral for the RE. Jay had his tests last week and once my referral gets approved I can schedule my appointment with the RE. I really did like the doctor in Tucson. He was completely understanding of our fears and concerns regarding the reversal. Hopefully, having his support will ease our minds and help us get pregnant sooner than later, even if we have to try medications or procedures. Jay and I are still debating on when we think we'd feel comfortable moving on to IUI or even meds. It's hard to swallow that we might need medical assistance when it was so easy with our first two. But I've heard time and time again that our previous pregnancy don't count when it's post-reversal since this changes the entire game for us. I'm wondering if this will get easier for us as time passes or if it will get harder. I suppose only time will tell. I'm stronger than I think. I've been through so much already and I know I can handle this. It's just hard to remember that when you're in the thick of it.

There are my ramblings for today.
Until next time,

Fertility Specialist Appointment Update

Well, it took a little longer than we had expected to get the referral through so we had to reschedule our first appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). So a few days after cancelling the appointment, we get our referral approval in the mail and we were able to schedule our appointment for August 8th.

Yesterday morning we dropped Jayson off to school and headed to Tucson where the RE's office is. We get there about 30 minutes early, fill out our paperwork and get called back. We sit in a little consult room for about 15-20 minutes before the doctor comes in. He was very nice, listened to us talk and went over our history and concerns with us. Then he went over his plan of action. Since the first day of my last cycle was July 9th, he decided I should do a pregnancy test there in the office to see if I was pregnant before we proceed forward. He also ordered another SA on Jay.

The doctor's plan of action is that if we don't get pregnant on our own in a few months, we will try an IUI with clomid. I don't think he actually gave a time line for when we'll do it. I think 6 months but again, I don't remember him saying a specific time line. In the discussion he mentioned 3-4 months and 6 months but I can't remember if either of these were our time line. He said his biggest concern is to make sure we get pregnant before DH has the chance to scar over or before his counts start to decrease. The doctor wants to continuously monitor Jay to make sure everything is going well but if we see a few SAs that show his numbers declining, the doctor will fast track us to the IUI.

The SA yesterday was much better than last months so I'm happy about that! The SAs were about 3 weeks apart.
             Last Month                               This Month                      Changes
Count    5.2 mil/mL                                 19 mil/mL                        +13.8mil/ml
Motility  20%                                          31.6%                             +11.6%
Morph   90% abnormal                           50% abnormal heads       -40% abnormalities
pH         8.5                                            8.0                                  -0.5
WBC     Not tested                                 0

I'm very pleased to see the improvements across the board. This is very promising and if the improvements keep getting better I have a feeling we'll be pregnant in 2 or 3 more cycles. Unfortunately we only have 2, maybe 3 more cycles before Jay leaves for WOCS for a month. But we can pick right back up in December when he returns.

My blood pregnancy test came back negative but it's quite possible that the numbers just weren't good enough two weeks ago. I'm not late for my period yet. I'm not expecting it until Monday or Tuesday. Yesterday I was 11 days past ovulation. Not trying to say I'm pregnant and the blood test was wrong, but there is a slim possibility. I'm not holding my breath though. I'm just not the type of person that can ignore facts.

Since I believe the blood test is probably acurate, I had a nice big glass of wine last night. It was my first drink since the 4th of July and it was DELICIOUS! lol I think I might need to indulge a little bit more often so I don't feel so deprived of so much. I've been so good while trying to conceive that it's actually starting to stress me out which I believe is probably more harm to the cause than some of things I've cut out. So no more stressing (I'm gonna try) and more relaxing! Just gotta find the ways.

We left the doctor's office after we gave our samples but with out any guidance as to when to schedule our follow up. So Jay called yesterday and the doctor was out on an emergency, (What kind of emergency could a fertility doctor have?) and the office staff said to call back to schedule when I started my period. Alright... but why? What are we doing? I'm so confused. Not that the doctor was confusing but because I forgot to ask when we left the office and that was my bad. Ugh. So hopefully we'll get some answers today.

On to cycle #3 of trying! I'm going to take a new approach to the whole thing this time. Relaxation, no stressing out about getting pregnant. I'm sure I'll stress but hopefully about everyday things like school work and bills instead of pregnancy tests and ovulation kits! lol

Until next time!

Hurry up and wait!

Yesterday, Jay got an email from his patient advocacy manager to let him know that the denied vasectomy reversal referral to Fort Lewis was overturned. The excuse they gave was that the cost of travel, lodging and food would have to come out of pocket. Uh... I was under the impression that we would have to pay for travel, lodging and food no matter where he went. Thankfully the patient advocacy already knew we were willing to pay to go where ever was best and explained this to the Col. who denied it in the first place. 

So, they put in a referral yesterday for Fort Lewis. Hopefully in the next 6 months or so we will receive a call to schedule Jay's pre-op and surgery. Jay called Fort Lewis Urology Department today but they still haven't received the referral. He'll probably call again on Monday to check again and from there we'll play the waiting game. It's going to be a long and stressful time, I'm sure. But we'll try to not stress about it. We have so much other stuff going on that I'm worried that his time with come when he's not able to go and we'll have to wait longer. 

Fortunately and unfortunately, he leaves for training in October. I say fortunately because this means he'll be working towards becoming a Warrant Officer but unfortunately because we have no idea when the phone call will come. He'll return from training early December but start another class here in AZ in January. Which means he won't be able to leave from January to March but again, we have no idea when this phone call will come and if this training schedule will interfere. All we can do is wait on the list and pray that it works out. 

I want to start collecting baby stuff but I know it's still premature to do so. Plus we have no idea what we'll have. Though most people that know us believe we'll have another boy. lol Once we know when the surgery will be and where our next duty station will be, I can start planning out the birth. I'll have to do lots of research on the location, available service and costs. I'm going to fight for a natural birth as hard as I can. I just hope it won't be in vain. 

You're welcome to leave any comments of support and love below!

<3 Traci