Labor Notes from My Birth Doula

Parker's Birth Notes - February 26th, 2015

4:30-5 Gyro (Contractions started around 6 p.m.)
6:30-7 Pineapple smoothie

7 p.m. Water broke, lightly stained

7:21 Phone call from Jay, you'd like me to come. 

8:15 I arrive

8:30 I suggest we all leave you alone so you can rest in between. Contractions every 3 minutes, about 35 seconds. (Everyone except Jay, goes to the dining room to wait for labor to progress)

8:40 Casey leaves, says she can come back at any time.

10:09 "Last 8 contractions are lasting a minute or longer." - Jay 

10:17 Loud vocalization & I check in with you.

10:23 You want me to stay in the room with you.

10:35 I insist that you get up to use the restroom. You are not happy when I suggest you stay on the toilet for another contraction.

10:45 You say you're pushing during the contraction.

10:47 You request the tub, but I suggest waiting for Madeleine as I know she's nearly here.

11:09 Madeleine says baby is so low, you must be complete. Tammy suggest low sounds when you bear down.

11:10 Heart rate "Good!" Madeleine says

11:12 Madeleine suggest you make your hips wider as you push.

11:17 Madeleine says "He's right there"

11:26    "  asks if you want to touch his head, you do and exclaim "Oh my God!"

11:27 Heart rate check "great" Madeleine says

11:33 Madeleine attempts to feel for baby, you tell her not to touch & Madeleine tells Tammy she thought baby may be crowning

11:35 "I've never wanted anything out of my body so bad."

11:36 Madeleine: "This is great, he's just molding".

11:38 "I can feel him right there, it hurts so bad."

11:39 Madeleine dons her headlamp

11:47 Madeleine suggests getting out of the tub, maybe the stool? "Noooo!" You say. 

In between contractions you rest your head on your hands.

Extra long pushes.

11:51  You look at the clock & roll your eyes.

11:57 Madeleine suggests you hold the noise in, focus all your energy down.

11:58 Tammy suggests that you rock your hips.

11:59 "Gimme your hands" you tell Jay

February 27th

12:01 "I'm sorry"

12:02 Heart rate ✅ (Check) "He's very low in that canal"

12:08 "I felt like he was just going to come out" you say after this contraction. Jay says "That's good!" Madeleine again suggests changing position, perhaps the toilet, the hot water can exhaust you. "I feel like water makes them less intense" you say.

12:10 Change position, you move to sit on the tub "step" with Jay sitting behind you. Your wedding day picture mirrors the scene. 

Tammy: "I see his head, go ahead and feel him"

Jay: "That's all he was waiting for, the 27th!" 

Madeleine: "You're doing so great, He's right there!"

12:16 "it's cold" fan off

12:23 You ask: "Does he go back in?" Madeleine explains only slightly, to where he's comfortable.

12:25 Heart rate check, but stops as contraction starts.

12:27 Tammy explains that baby needs to come under your pubic bone, and to bring your pelvis forward . Heart rate good.

12:29 Madeleine suggests you change position, if only for a few minutes. You move to the birth stool.

12:32 "The urge to push is always there" you say, "I don't like this".

12:36 Heart rate check, "the heart rate is slow, let's get him out."

12:38 Move to the bed, with Jay sitting behind you

12:49 Baby born! "MOM!!!" you yell

1:27 Grandma (Gigi) gets to hold her brand new grandson 

1:28 Jay: "You smell like a bait shop!" - "I like you"

9lbs 4oz

22 inches long

-small tear

  Lidocaine used for repair

Congratulations!

❤️ Lea

Why hiring MY doula was life changing

It's been about a month since I posted. I am 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Parker and myself are doing great! We're perfectly healthy. Jay is a bit busy focusing on his health and fitness journey. I'm glad he has something to focus on other than me. Honestly, being the guy during a pregnancy has to suck. Everything is their fault and everything falls on them to pick up the slack when the exhaustion, nausea or just irritation sets in. He's handled it like a boss and I'm so proud to have my awesome partner during this pregnancy. Kudos to him for trying so hard to be full of grace and love during my ups and downs of this pregnancy.

During this past month, I've made some huge strides in my inner well being and have come to peace with my decision to home birth. Surprised? I am too! I thought I was resolved and at peace with having a home birth. It's amazing how much you don't know about yourself until you've been put to the test! I started this pregnancy and this journey really, believing that I'd be most comfortable with a home birth if I had a hospital that followed my pregnancy and had a completely history in case I needed to transfer. That was a guise I told myself and the world to hide the fear I felt inside. Deep inside I was using that as my safety net for my fear of not being able to handle a home birth. I was terrified I would freak out, give up and give in to a hospital birth and probably ultimately another cesarean. This fear was so ugly that I kept it from the world. I didn't tell my midwife, my husband or even myself. I couldn't face it. Then the small little tidbit comments started from my doctor at Tripler. If my surgical records weren't there in time, she felt as though my only option was a repeat cesarean. That scared the shit out of me. I came home a complete wreck. With all my knowledge, with all the facts and all the support, it wasn't enough. My confidence wasn't there. I didn't believe *I* could do it. So I let those words shatter my whole world for that day. My midwife tried to reason with me but her truth wasn't my truth, yet. That day I found my confidence and I didn't know it yet. I met a doula on facebook through mutual friends on accident when I was looking at a Hawaii Military Wives group. The day the friend request was accepted was the day I let my doctor shake me to the core. She calmed me, chatted with me and reassured me. She didn't even KNOW me! Even if she didn't, I feel as though she saw how broken I was in that moment and knew I needed the support of someone only like herself. I could be raw and open with her without her questioning why I'm doing this if I'm not sure of it. Jay and I met her soon after and decided immediately that we needed her for this birth. She's already taught us so much. But the biggest thing she's done for us, for me really, is just be there and support my every decision.

Shortly after meeting and hiring my doula (Lea), Madeleine started opening up to me more. Our meetings went from patient/doctor to friends and confidants. She started telling me stories of her births and reassuring my fears in a way a friend would. A very medically knowledgeable and brilliant friend but with the kindness and love a friend would show. I attribute this to Lea's presence in my life.

Then during my most recent visit with my doctor, my fear took a tight hold of me and elevated my blood pressure. It wasn't "high" but it was higher. Enough for the doctor to comment on it, remind herself that I had pre-eclampsia with my first pregnancy and make a note to watch my BP for further hints of complications. I broke down. Madeleine and Lea have become my go-to people in my crisis mode after speaking with the doctor at Tripler. They're my safe haven. They're my anchor. They're why this birth is going to be the most epic thing in my life. I know things might not go the way I envision them but if Madeleine and Lea are by my side, this birth will be amazing compared to any other I've experienced.

Of course not everyone can have Lea specifically but now I understand the very strong push from the natural birthing community for moms-to-be to hire a doula. If you find the doula that meshes and syncs with you so beautifully they are down right essential. It's such a spiritual bond that it's almost difficult to put into words. Maybe I'm just lucky and Lea was literally sent to me for a reason but I urge everyone to find that person who you bond with instantly over tears and sorrow. Those are the people that will be the most supportive and raw people in your life. It's life changing. My doula won't necessarily be that for you but there is a doula out there like this for you. It was honestly terrifying to think of meeting and getting to know doulas because it such an intimate relationship that finding one is almost like dating. That's scary! But believe me when I say the reward is so worth the heartache of searching.

Of course I had the knowledge, I had the reasons and the right ideas, I just need the right frame of mind. No research can give you that. I'm as bull headed as they come but deep down I still have insecurities and fears. I let those chip away at me until the doctor found that chip and starting chiseling away too. Lea has helped me seal up those cracks in my resolve and I'm feeling more confident than ever about this birth.

So much so that I'm considering not seeing the hospital anymore after 35 weeks. I've come so far, I don't need or want the negative energy in my pregnancy, in my head or sneaking into my birth.

Last night during our most recent meeting with Lea, I remembered how much I've been through to get to this place in my pregnancy, in my life and in this birth. This month marks two years since Jay and I decided to get the vasectomy reversal and to try to expand our family. It took us until June to get the reversal, then another year of tears and heartache to get pregnant. I did NOT go through all of that to give up now. If anything those months of emotional roller coaster rides gave me the strength to push through, I just needed to figure out how to access it. Everything has been building up to this birth and I can't let myself down now.

The support from my friends has been absolutely amazing and I have to say thank you for not doubting me. Those that doubt me, it's alright. I feel like you've never experienced the trauma that I have and I pray you never do. Just know that each birth is yours and you alone have the power to decide how that baby is coming into the world, be it naturally, induction, c-section or any other method. Become educated about your options, decide what is best for you and your family and don't let a doctor or anyone else try to coerce you into something you aren't comfortable with.

I honestly want nothing but the best for each and every one of you. So if you have any questions about my research, my findings and my informed decisions, feel free to ask!


Until next time!