Thoughts and Pros & Cons of Adoption

Last Friday, the RE gave Jay a prescription for Prednisone. Today he was finally able to get this prescription filled and will start taking them tonight. I've heard varying stories as to the success of prednisone. Some say that it helped and they got pregnant after taking it. Some say it helped temporarily by reducing the swelling and some sperm were able to get through. Then some say that it didn't help at all because they had already scarred over. Because of this all being a huge gamble one way or another, Jay and I have differing opinions on what we feel we should do. He would like to wait to see if the meds work and I want to go ahead with IVF. Again, affording IVF is a concern and right now I'm not sure we can afford it with out financing.

Adoption is also one of our options that we've been discussing. There for a short while, it was on the top of our list. I did research on all of our options and the more appealing one became, the deeper my research would become on that subject.

Pros for Adoption

• Give someone a better life by opening up our family to them
• If we adopt through foster care, it's cheaper and less risky of losing our paid fees.
• No stressful and expensive medical procedures
• Choice of race, age, sex of child we're adopting

Cons for Adoption

• No pregnancy, no birth experienced together
• Potential unknown health or behavioral issues
• Very expensive if seeking infant adoption or overseas adoption
• Strenuous process - home studies, lots of paperwork and interviews
• Risk of child not bonding with us

Jay was completely on board for moving directly to adoption. I was more skeptical. The cost is very comparable to a round of IVF w/ICSI and the process could take months if not years to complete depending on our requirements for our potential child. State adoptions are typically cheaper while adoption agencies charge upwards of $20,000 per placement. With state adoptions, the children are typically older and a lot of them have siblings trying to be placed with them. With agency adoptions, there are more options of age, sex and race. I don't feel as though race is a huge priority of ours. I feel as though if adoption is the route we take, when we meet that child that is OUR child, it won't matter what their race is.

I'd say this is probably still an option in the running but I keep moving it up and down on our list. 

As of right now, I am fearful of the age gap between our next child and our current children. If we were to get pregnant now, there will be almost a 5 year gap between Eli and the baby and a 7 year gap between Jayson and the baby. If we adopt, we could be looking at a process that takes months to complete, but we could adopt a child close to our children's age. To set myself at easy about having a baby, I decided that I'd try for two babies so they'd be close in age together, but if we go with IVF that will be harder to do since it's so expensive. If we adopt we could try to adopt a set of siblings close to our boys' age. If we decide to do the reversal, it'll put us on hold for a little while before being able to have the surgery but the possibility of multiple children of our own conceived naturally is back on the table. I suppose I should do a bigger scale pros and cons list with all possible options so we can see what's more likely suitable for us.

I'm still leaning more towards IVF for now because I feel like it has better chances of working out for us and sooner. If you'd like to donate to help us either afford IVF or a reversal re-do, please click the link above or to the right of the blog. 

Thanks! 

Until next time,

Vasectomy Re-Do Pros and Cons

Another one of our options after Jay has scarred over, is to have another vasectomy reversal done. With his original reversal being a failure, I do not believe we would go through the military again. We called the International Center for Vasectomy Reversals to get an idea of how much we would have to pay for a re-do and before any discounts, their average charge is $9,800. Which is about $3,700 more than doing IVF but it gives us unlimited tries to get pregnant IF it works. None of these options are guarantees.

Pros for re-doing surgery

• One time fee for the surgery (unlike IVF which is paid every time we attempt to get pregnant)
• Unlimited tries at getting pregnant (if it is a successful surgery)
• Can possibly conceive naturally
• Less likely to need IVF
• If pregnancy is accomplished, we experience pregnancy and birth together.

Cons for re-doing surgery

• More expensive than one round of IVF ($9,800 before military discount for Surgery vs. $6100 w/ discount for IVF w/ ICSI)
• Jay has to go through surgery and recovery all over again
• We will have to wait until Jay is done with school in order to have surgery which means we can't do it until March
• Risk of failure - No guarantee.

Like I said, we're leaning more towards IVF w/ICSI but I wanted to write out the different pros and cons so that we (and all of you) could see what are the pros and cons to each option.

Jay if there are any pros or cons that you would like to add, please do so but in a different color so we can differentiate between my pros and cons and yours.

I encourage everyone to add comments of pros and cons that they may have thought of that we haven't. All suggestions are welcome but please know that it might not be a priority for us and might not change our minds. 

Until tomorrow!

IVF Pros & Cons List

Well the results came back and Jay's hormone levels are fine, which is good and bad. Good because he's healthy, YAY! Bad because it's his hormones which is something that could be corrected.

The sample he gave had sperm though none were moving but they were able to freeze two vials. These aren't good enough for IUI so this month is a bust. Next cycle I can start clomid (or similar) to stimulate ovulation so they can harvest eggs for IVF. Since the sperm are non-motile, we'll have to do IVF with ICSI. Which means that instead of putting my egg and some sperm in a dish and let the sperm try to fertilize the egg, they'll have to take a single sperm and inject it into the egg under a microscope. Then we wait to see if the eggs fertilize and then they transfer them to me and we hope they implant.

Here are some of the pros and cons of IVF.... it's not our only option but it's the one I'll focus on today. Tomorrow, Jay or I will discuss the pros and cons of another option.

Pros of IVF w/ICSI (If it works)
We get to...
experience pregnancy together.
experience the birth together.
biological child.
know the medical history of the family.
pick out names together.

Cons of IVF w/ICSI
We ...
spend thousands of dollars trying ($5550-6100 per try with military discount)
don't have a guarantee that it will work (42.5%-50% depending on the doctors success rate)
might experience failed pregnancies
have possible side effects of medications (clomid has side effects of being highly hormonal while on it)
might not get pregnant.

In the end it is a decision we have to decide on together as a couple and maybe even as a family. As of right now, Jay and I are leaning more towards IVF w/ICSI over adoption or any other route but there is a lot that goes into deciding, including how we would afford it. If you would like, there is a donate button the the right of the blog, feel free to click it and help us out with our saving for IVF.

Until next time,

Low Sperm Count, Cryobanks and New Options

First, the reason we saw the RE is because Jay had an SA done on Wednesday and his counts came back at 200,000 sperm with none of them moving. There could be any number of reasons that the sperm count is that low. Scarring is one of them. That's the one we're terrified of and the one that means that it's over. Low testosterone or abnormal FSH levels, both of these can be corrected by medication. Infection is another reason and corrected by antibiotics. The last, less likely to me, reason is that it's just an off day, week or month for Jay's sperm count and they'll be back soon. HA! I don't buy that for a second. I believe there is something going on and we need to do what we can, when we can to fix it. Hopefully it's one of the ones that can be corrected with medication and not it's not scarring over.

If it scars over, we are done trying naturally. We would have to have a re-do or an extraction, both of which are costly. An extraction means that we'd HAVE to do IVF w/ ICSI which costs $5550-6100 depending on where we do it (HI or AZ) and that does not include the cost of the extraction.

If we go the route of a re-do on the reversal, that will cost us around $9800 (before military discount, still waiting to hear back on that) but we'd get unlimited chances at trying if it is successful. But the cost is higher than IVF, and IVF is already really expensive.

Another option Jay and I have discussed is adoption. This seems more likely for us because I feel as though it's less risky financially. We wouldn't be paying for a roll of the dice, like with IVF.

Of course the RE told us not to worry yet, it is to soon to worry. He had blood drawn to test the testosterone and FSH to see if the are low and we'll go from there. Jay also gave a sample for preservation and if it's any good it'll be frozen but if not, it'll be disposed of. The doctor wants us to try IUI this cycle if the sample is good enough for it.  I go back on Friday for a follow up. The clinic said we'd find out next week if the sample was good and the results of the blood tests. Then we'll know if IUI is happening, if IVF is possible and if the sample was sent to the cryobank.

Right now, I'm still under the impression that the VR is scarring over and that we'll have to choose another route besides natural conception, be it IVF or adoption, or maybe we'll just be done. It's a lot to process and decide. We'll be deciding for a while I believe.

Putting it on Hold

This past Thursday, we decided to scope. Now before the judgement on scoping comes in, here is a link that explains how to do an at home semen analysis. So that's what we did. I've become a pro since the reversal because we can only get a professional analysis done every few months.

Back to this Thursday, we scoped a sample. Now my microscope isn't the best but I typically can see swimmers, good and bad plus the dead ones. This time it was all dead. We hoped it was just a bad sample and decided to wait til Saturday to try again. Yesterday we scope again, nothing. All dead. Thousands of little dead sperm everywhere, not a single one wiggling or swimming. Now we didn't do anything different this time than we've done the times before when we saw sperm so I don't think it was our inexperience that caused them to die before looking at them on the scope. I'm hoping that it's just the effects of a few mistakes Jay made this past month. The night of excessive drinking, the slip of memory about the hot tub and possibly his constant caffeine intake but it's hard for me to logically believe that those few things could cause someone to go from 19mil/mL with 31.6% swimming to 0% swimming. 

I called the RE office on Friday in hopes of getting some advice or possibly an official SA done but they never returned my call. I will try again tomorrow in hopes of getting a hold of someone to schedule an appointment. But for now, we're out. I don't really see the point in trying this month. I don't want to go through the agony of trying and hoping to find out it didn't work. I'm going to continue to chart so I can build up the data on my body to make sure everything continues to work properly. Hopefully this month will be a nice break from the stress of trying.

I mostly wrote this to let you all know that this month and subsequently next month are probably out. Then Jay leaves until December for school so we won't be trying probably until December, if his sperm returns. I wish all of you luck in your TTC journey, if that's where you are and the rest of you luck in life in whatever you are facing at this point in time. Don't let the bad over shadow the good. 

Until next time,

Follow Up with Specialist on 9/5/13

Well, This past Thursday I had a follow up with the specialist. To be honest, when they schedule the appointment, I wasn't entirely sure what I was going in for. During the previous appointment the Friday before, they had done blood work and an ultrasound to confirm ovulation and we discussed starting clomid next cycle to help us along. That's a whole other set of concerns of mine but we'll get to that later. Then they said to schedule an appointment for next Thursday and I assumed it was to go over the clomid, how to use it, when to use it and give me my prescription on top of checking my progesterone levels at 7dpo. Two birds, one stone... except I was wrong. It was ONLY to check my progesterone. I got called back by a nurse or lab tech, she took my blood and then told me they would call me with the results. WAIT WHAT?! I drove an HOUR and half ONE way to get blood drawn?! I could have done that in Sierra Vista! Ugh. So now I'm irked that they didn't discuss exactly what we going on and what I was coming in for. Looks like I'll be a little bit more persistent about what I'm scheduling when I schedule it instead of just doing what I'm told.

Now the clomid part, when we originally saw Dr. Gelety, we discussed trying for a few months and switching to IUI around the 6 month mark. When I came in for the ultrasound, Dr. Gelety was very busy and RNP Marta did the ultrasound and blood work. Then she said that she wanted to start me on clomid next cycle. Wait, huh? I thought we were trying for a few months and then going to IUI around the 6 month mark? Of course I didn't ask her because I don't think she knows what she's talking about. So now I have to call the office and speak to someone who can find out what Dr. Gelety wants us to do because as of right now my guidance is to call when my period starts to get my prescription of clomid. Logically it makes sense to put me on clomid for a couple cycles before trying IUI to see if giving Jay some extra eggs to aim for helps instead of going straight from natural to IUI but I feel in the dark since no one actually laid out this path before me and explained things. Fortunately, I'm smart enough to draw fairly logical conclusions as to why they're doing it but I would like to understand the thoughts and process the doctor is putting us on. I do really like Dr. Gelety and I don't really know Marta yet but I've heard some bad reviews about her. I don't foresee me really liking her and her approach. Hopefully I'll see Dr. Gelety only from here on out.

Today I am 9dpo and am anxious to find out if I'm pregnant. Aunt Flo should show no later than next Friday but I know I'll be testing between now and then. Wish me luck!

Until Next Time,

Second Fertility Appointment Update

Today was my fertility appointment. They did an ultrasound to check my uterus lining and ovaries. I ovulated yesterday from my left ovary and the ultrasound showed exactly that. It's nice to know how in tune with my body I've become over these past few cycles. Three months ago I wouldn't have been able to tell you if I've ever ovulated a day in my life (except the two beautiful children that prove that I have at least twice) but now I can pin point it down to a few hours. My lining looks good according to the doc and she even pointed it out to me. They should be calling with my progesterone levels unless they'll just wait until my appointment next week. I go in next Thursday and the doctor wants me to start fertility medications during the next cycle to increase our chances due to the lower sperm count. I think they'll give me clomid but I guess I'll find out next week.

As of right now we have about 3 to 6 million sperm that could possibly get to the one egg each cycle, as long as we time everything right. If I'm put on clomid then it will give those 3 to 6 million sperm two eggs to possibly get to each cycle. Since I just ovulated, I could possibly be pregnant and I'll know in about two weeks.

These next two weeks will be the longest two weeks of my life. At least I have stuff to do to keep my mind off just wondering if I'm pregnant.

ETA: I got a phone call about my progesterone and my level is 1.86. The nurse said I most definitely ovulated but it was very recently, which I already knew because of my pains yesterday morning and the ultrasound today. YAY! Hopefully we get pregnant!

Until next time,

This One's for the Guys

So Traci and I are currently in our third cycle since having my reversal. It hasn’t been easy for us, but I honestly feel that things will get better. I say that with some reluctance, because this cycle particularly has been difficult. It’s difficult because I have made some mistakes as it pertains to my “duties” in the conception. I do not want to get into the specifics of my flaws (which there are many), but I want any man reading this who is in the same position as me to know that you HAVE to take this seriously if a child is something you truly want.

Some things are easy to forget, and for me, I tend to forget a lot. Luckily I have a wife like Traci, who constantly reminds me of things I need to be doing. I know my reactions to these reminders are not always what they should be, and ultimately I shouldn’t need to be reminded as much as I am. So fellas, take it from me, LISTEN! Get rid of your bad habits, and realize what the goal is. If you want it bad enough you will make the changes. I’m not trying to kiss @$$ here, the few things I have to remember are nothing in comparison to what your spouse has to put up with, especially if you already have children and your spouse is a stay at home Supermom.

Here’s my attempt to give the male demographic an idea of some difficulties I’ve had:

1.       CELL PHONE. If your sperm count is low, just hold that thing in your hand! This is probably the most difficult thing for me to do because I have developed a habit since becoming a cell phone user to just put it in my pocket. This is a huge NO-GO if you are trying to conceive, especially if you are like myself and have had a vasectomy reversal.

2.       SUPPLEMENTS. Once again, these things are designed to help, so why wouldn’t you take them? Well for me, it’s another thing that is sometimes hard to remember. But I will tell you this, THEY WORK! My sperm count increased by approximately 10 million in under two weeks on my supplements. Do what you have to do to remember. Do what you have to do to ensure your spouse doesn’t have to remind you all the time (this factor will come into play later). TAKE THEM TAKE THEM TAKE THEM!

3.       ALCOHOL. They say that drinking a drink every so often won’t impact too awful much. Guess what? Limiting yourself to one drink every so often is difficult if you are accustom to drinking more regularly. It takes self control and a sense of responsibility. Unfortunately, I have difficulty with this. So my recommendation to you is DON’T DRINK! Simple as that.

4.       SEX.  As a man this subject should seem rather simple, show up, get business done, and repeat. Let me tell you that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Although sex during a cycle could seem regimental, don’t think of it as such. Don’t just think of it as a duty to get pregnant. If you know your wife’s cycle schedule, you should have an idea of when you’ll be having sex. Use this opportunity to get closer to your spouse. Take advantage of this time to rekindle the relationship in ways you typically may not have the chance to do. I write this knowing that this is another one of my shortfalls, but will definitely be one of the things will be working on. And remember what I said about the reminders? If your spouse has to constantly get on you about things, that will make the whole sex thing more of a job for the spouse, rather than something special shared between husband and wife.

I believe that open forums and blogs like this one are tools for people to learn from others, and I hope that at least one husband who is trying to become a dad (again for some) will read this and get something out of it. It’s harder than you would think, but can be made easier if you are proactive. Up to this point I have not been the most proactive husband, but in writing this, I have been able to look at myself a little harder to see what needs to be done. Men, take charge of your lives, and help out wherever you can.

Traci, I love you

Everyone else, until next time,

Jay

Cycle #3: Does starting over every month get less frustrating?

Yesterday marked the first day of our third cycle. It's painful to find out every month that our efforts aren't working. I know it's only been two months but there is a lot of emotion that goes into this every time. Though this time I did feel a little bit of relief when I wasn't pregnant, though not much. The relief is because of our impending PCS. If I had gotten pregnant last cycle, I would have been due on April 20th and Jay's report date is April 25th for Fort Shafter, Hi. The stress that keeps compounding each month is that it won't happen before Jay leaves for school in October. Last month my cycle was a little longer than usual so now I don't think we'll be able to try in October before he leaves for school so we have August and September to try and if it doesn't happen then, we can't start trying again until December.

Trying to get pregnant while your spouse is in the military is far more difficult than it should be. Trying to schedule two unmovable events is impossible and extremely stressful for someone like me, someone that likes to plan and schedule everything. I'm sure it will happen eventually, especially with his better numbers.

On the upside, my PCM put in my referral for the RE. Jay had his tests last week and once my referral gets approved I can schedule my appointment with the RE. I really did like the doctor in Tucson. He was completely understanding of our fears and concerns regarding the reversal. Hopefully, having his support will ease our minds and help us get pregnant sooner than later, even if we have to try medications or procedures. Jay and I are still debating on when we think we'd feel comfortable moving on to IUI or even meds. It's hard to swallow that we might need medical assistance when it was so easy with our first two. But I've heard time and time again that our previous pregnancy don't count when it's post-reversal since this changes the entire game for us. I'm wondering if this will get easier for us as time passes or if it will get harder. I suppose only time will tell. I'm stronger than I think. I've been through so much already and I know I can handle this. It's just hard to remember that when you're in the thick of it.

There are my ramblings for today.
Until next time,

Fertility Specialist Appointment Update

Well, it took a little longer than we had expected to get the referral through so we had to reschedule our first appointment with the Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE). So a few days after cancelling the appointment, we get our referral approval in the mail and we were able to schedule our appointment for August 8th.

Yesterday morning we dropped Jayson off to school and headed to Tucson where the RE's office is. We get there about 30 minutes early, fill out our paperwork and get called back. We sit in a little consult room for about 15-20 minutes before the doctor comes in. He was very nice, listened to us talk and went over our history and concerns with us. Then he went over his plan of action. Since the first day of my last cycle was July 9th, he decided I should do a pregnancy test there in the office to see if I was pregnant before we proceed forward. He also ordered another SA on Jay.

The doctor's plan of action is that if we don't get pregnant on our own in a few months, we will try an IUI with clomid. I don't think he actually gave a time line for when we'll do it. I think 6 months but again, I don't remember him saying a specific time line. In the discussion he mentioned 3-4 months and 6 months but I can't remember if either of these were our time line. He said his biggest concern is to make sure we get pregnant before DH has the chance to scar over or before his counts start to decrease. The doctor wants to continuously monitor Jay to make sure everything is going well but if we see a few SAs that show his numbers declining, the doctor will fast track us to the IUI.

The SA yesterday was much better than last months so I'm happy about that! The SAs were about 3 weeks apart.
             Last Month                               This Month                      Changes
Count    5.2 mil/mL                                 19 mil/mL                        +13.8mil/ml
Motility  20%                                          31.6%                             +11.6%
Morph   90% abnormal                           50% abnormal heads       -40% abnormalities
pH         8.5                                            8.0                                  -0.5
WBC     Not tested                                 0

I'm very pleased to see the improvements across the board. This is very promising and if the improvements keep getting better I have a feeling we'll be pregnant in 2 or 3 more cycles. Unfortunately we only have 2, maybe 3 more cycles before Jay leaves for WOCS for a month. But we can pick right back up in December when he returns.

My blood pregnancy test came back negative but it's quite possible that the numbers just weren't good enough two weeks ago. I'm not late for my period yet. I'm not expecting it until Monday or Tuesday. Yesterday I was 11 days past ovulation. Not trying to say I'm pregnant and the blood test was wrong, but there is a slim possibility. I'm not holding my breath though. I'm just not the type of person that can ignore facts.

Since I believe the blood test is probably acurate, I had a nice big glass of wine last night. It was my first drink since the 4th of July and it was DELICIOUS! lol I think I might need to indulge a little bit more often so I don't feel so deprived of so much. I've been so good while trying to conceive that it's actually starting to stress me out which I believe is probably more harm to the cause than some of things I've cut out. So no more stressing (I'm gonna try) and more relaxing! Just gotta find the ways.

We left the doctor's office after we gave our samples but with out any guidance as to when to schedule our follow up. So Jay called yesterday and the doctor was out on an emergency, (What kind of emergency could a fertility doctor have?) and the office staff said to call back to schedule when I started my period. Alright... but why? What are we doing? I'm so confused. Not that the doctor was confusing but because I forgot to ask when we left the office and that was my bad. Ugh. So hopefully we'll get some answers today.

On to cycle #3 of trying! I'm going to take a new approach to the whole thing this time. Relaxation, no stressing out about getting pregnant. I'm sure I'll stress but hopefully about everyday things like school work and bills instead of pregnancy tests and ovulation kits! lol

Until next time!