Labor Notes from My Birth Doula

Parker's Birth Notes - February 26th, 2015

4:30-5 Gyro (Contractions started around 6 p.m.)
6:30-7 Pineapple smoothie

7 p.m. Water broke, lightly stained

7:21 Phone call from Jay, you'd like me to come. 

8:15 I arrive

8:30 I suggest we all leave you alone so you can rest in between. Contractions every 3 minutes, about 35 seconds. (Everyone except Jay, goes to the dining room to wait for labor to progress)

8:40 Casey leaves, says she can come back at any time.

10:09 "Last 8 contractions are lasting a minute or longer." - Jay 

10:17 Loud vocalization & I check in with you.

10:23 You want me to stay in the room with you.

10:35 I insist that you get up to use the restroom. You are not happy when I suggest you stay on the toilet for another contraction.

10:45 You say you're pushing during the contraction.

10:47 You request the tub, but I suggest waiting for Madeleine as I know she's nearly here.

11:09 Madeleine says baby is so low, you must be complete. Tammy suggest low sounds when you bear down.

11:10 Heart rate "Good!" Madeleine says

11:12 Madeleine suggest you make your hips wider as you push.

11:17 Madeleine says "He's right there"

11:26    "  asks if you want to touch his head, you do and exclaim "Oh my God!"

11:27 Heart rate check "great" Madeleine says

11:33 Madeleine attempts to feel for baby, you tell her not to touch & Madeleine tells Tammy she thought baby may be crowning

11:35 "I've never wanted anything out of my body so bad."

11:36 Madeleine: "This is great, he's just molding".

11:38 "I can feel him right there, it hurts so bad."

11:39 Madeleine dons her headlamp

11:47 Madeleine suggests getting out of the tub, maybe the stool? "Noooo!" You say. 

In between contractions you rest your head on your hands.

Extra long pushes.

11:51  You look at the clock & roll your eyes.

11:57 Madeleine suggests you hold the noise in, focus all your energy down.

11:58 Tammy suggests that you rock your hips.

11:59 "Gimme your hands" you tell Jay

February 27th

12:01 "I'm sorry"

12:02 Heart rate ✅ (Check) "He's very low in that canal"

12:08 "I felt like he was just going to come out" you say after this contraction. Jay says "That's good!" Madeleine again suggests changing position, perhaps the toilet, the hot water can exhaust you. "I feel like water makes them less intense" you say.

12:10 Change position, you move to sit on the tub "step" with Jay sitting behind you. Your wedding day picture mirrors the scene. 

Tammy: "I see his head, go ahead and feel him"

Jay: "That's all he was waiting for, the 27th!" 

Madeleine: "You're doing so great, He's right there!"

12:16 "it's cold" fan off

12:23 You ask: "Does he go back in?" Madeleine explains only slightly, to where he's comfortable.

12:25 Heart rate check, but stops as contraction starts.

12:27 Tammy explains that baby needs to come under your pubic bone, and to bring your pelvis forward . Heart rate good.

12:29 Madeleine suggests you change position, if only for a few minutes. You move to the birth stool.

12:32 "The urge to push is always there" you say, "I don't like this".

12:36 Heart rate check, "the heart rate is slow, let's get him out."

12:38 Move to the bed, with Jay sitting behind you

12:49 Baby born! "MOM!!!" you yell

1:27 Grandma (Gigi) gets to hold her brand new grandson 

1:28 Jay: "You smell like a bait shop!" - "I like you"

9lbs 4oz

22 inches long

-small tear

  Lidocaine used for repair

Congratulations!

❤️ Lea

My baby is here!

From about 38 weeks, I had been having contractions off and on. There were a few days when I truly believed Parker would be born that day but then the contractions would just fade away. As I got closer and closer to his estimated due date (February 24th), I got more and more anxious for him to arrive.

The morning of his due date, I was slightly discouraged to find that I woke up with very faint contractions, more like Braxton Hicks. I decided since I hadn't gone into labor yet that we should visit the birth stones in Wahiawa. Jay was working an early shift and arrived home at 1pm so we got the boys ready and headed to Target to get mom and Mayre (my sister) leis for their arrival that evening but we picked up one more lei to take with us to the birth stones as an offering. I let my doula know of my plan to go to the birth stones so she loads up her daughter and joins us up there. It was absolutely gorgeous and relaxing to be up there. I can definitely see why the Hawaiian Royalty would come here to give birth. There was just something so magical about that place. I asked the stones for a quick, healthy and beautiful home birth. I forgot to ask for it to be sooner than later but I figured the implication was there.

Lea took pictures of the whole area. It was beautiful and I was so ready for the baby to come! 

We picked up some Maui Mike's rotisserie chicken on our way home. When we got home, we had some dinner and relaxed a bit before heading down to the airport to pick up my mom and sister.  No labor that night or the next day. I was 40 weeks and 2 days when we decided to stop waiting for the baby and try to enjoy the island a little bit with family.

So, we drove up to the North Shore to see the surfers, had lunch at Haleiwa Joe's where they made me these awesome shrimp tacos (not on the menu/special order) and then we enjoyed some shave ice before we headed over to one of the surf shops. About that time, I noticed my ankles were beginning to swell a bit so I decided it was time to head home so I could rest. 

When we arrived home, I took a shower to rinse off the day and relax a bit before dinner. Around 5pm I ate some dinner and we all settled in to watch the movie, "Lucy". During the movie, I noticed my back was hurting so I laid down on a mattress on the floor my sister had been using to sleep on. I started having sporadic but painful contractions. About an hour into the movie, I decided I would feel better in my own bed so I got up and went to my bedroom. While standing at the end of my bed, I noticed a small gush and rushed into the bathroom just as my water broke into the toilet. It was slightly murky but not dark. It was a yellowy brown. I immediately called my midwife to tell her but she didn't answer. So I called her assistant, Jaymie and described what I was seeing. She couldn't see the pictures I sent her so she had me send them to Madeleine. She said the water was lightly stained but we didn't need to be alarmed.

I then had Jay call my doula, Lea and ask that she come right away. I texted a friend, Casey to bring me pads so I could be around the house without leaking fluid everywhere. I thought I'd have some time between my water breaking and the contractions becoming unbearable. I was wrong. Time then became unnoticed to me. I laid in bed, breathing through my contractions mostly on my hands and knees. My water broke right around 7 pm. I decided around 7:45 that we should get the boys ready for bed so I wasn't worried about them. My contractions had been around 3 minutes apart at that point but while the boys were saying good night to me, I had a 4 minute break. It's like the boys being near me slowed my labor enough so I could tend to them. We sent them to bed just before 8pm I think. 

Lea arrived at some point, maybe around 8pm right after we sent the kids to bed and she definitely helped me calm down. She suggested that I rest between contractions and had everyone leave the room except for Jay. I remember laying down with my pregnancy pillow between my knees and drifting to sleep between contractions. I'd get about 2-3.5 minutes of rest before I would yank myself up onto all fours to breathe through the contraction. Sometimes I would rock back and forth on my knees to help with the pain. I started having minute long contractions and I was beginning to struggle through my contractions for the next two to two and half hours when the urges to push began. I was begging for Madeleine so I could get into the tub. I wasn't sure if I was still to early and I didn't want to stall my labor by getting in too soon. It was now 11pm when Madeleine arrived and I had already had a few urges to push so Madeleine said to just go with them if they were coming.

Then I got into the tub and every contraction came with an urge to push. I tried to push in the tub and he'd make some progress but never could get him to crown. While in the tub, I asked Madeleine to see how far I was and she said I was complete and his head was right there. I reached down and felt his head for the first time! While in the tub, I would push and push but I never felt like he was going to come out. Only once or twice would I feel a sensation around my vagina that he might crown but it always went away when the pushing stopped. Between each contraction I would lay my head down on the side of the tub and just rest. I was exhausted. I don't think I've ever been as exhausted as I was during the pushing. 

After about an hour and half, Madeleine suggested I get on the birth stool to push. On my way out of the tub, a big surge hit and I was stuck standing in the tub half squatting while I pushed through the surge. Still no baby. Then I sat down on the stool and immediately knew that wasn't where I wanted to be. The surges hurt so much more there and I just didn't like it. I am pretty sure everyone in the house knew that I did not like the birth stool. I protested as soon as I sat down. Madeleine said that's how she knew I definitely had to be out of the tub, because the more uncomfortable I was, the more likely the baby would come. Evidently birthing a baby is not comfortable business. Who knew? 

After the surge ended while on the birth stool, Madeleine checked his heart rate and he wasn't doing so great so she said I had to get him out soon. We went back and forth about where I should move to next since I was extremely unhappy on the birth stool. They suggested the toilet but that didn't seem feasible to me. They suggested the bed but all I could think about was getting back into the tub. Finally, I asked to move to the bed. Once on the bed, Jay was told to get pillows and sit behind me so I could lean on him while pushing. So Jay held me up while Madeleine, Tammy (midwife assistant) and Lea all held my legs up and out while I curled into each surge (much to my discomfort!)! After a few pushes his head came through and since his face was in a puddle of fluid, they asked me to push without a contraction and during the pushing, another surge came along with the birth of my baby. I pulled him into me and just laid there against my husband holding our newborn baby.

The bleeding seemed to be more than Madeleine liked but not bad enough for Madeleine to feel the need to administer pitocin. After what felt like forever (probably 20-30 minutes), I delivered the placenta with help from Madeleine. I had a slight tear that was stitched up and then I nursed Parker. I've been riding the birth high ever since. 

He was born at 12:49am 27 February 2015. He was 9lbs 4oz and 22" long. My big baby came with a massive noggin measuring 14.25"! I gave birth after just under 6 hours of labor and lots of fighting through thoughts of defeat. I can honestly say this was one of the hardest things I've ever done!! My beautiful home birth after 2 cesareans!

Approaching 40 weeks pregnant

As I'm sure many people are wondering how I'm doing as I approach my 40th week of pregnancy, I'm over being asked. At 38 weeks, I deactivated my Facebook page and went silent for the most part. The constant question of if I've had the baby yet is really annoying and I was becoming irritable. As I get closer to my due date, people have taken to asking my close friends and family if I've had the baby yet. 

When did this stop being MY news to share? No, I have not had Parker yet. Please don't call or text my mom or husband (or anyone else) to ask if I have. We will tell the world when we are ready. I do understand that everyone is excited and trust me no one is more ready for this baby to be born than I am. But I am not just having another baby here, I am overcoming eight, yes...EIGHT years of birth trauma. I am gearing up to do one of the hardest yet most rewarding things I will ever do in my whole life. I don't need the constant questions or check ups. I need love, support and my peace. Almost exactly eight years ago I was taken down a path in my birth I wasn't mentally, emotionally or physically ready to go down. I spent several months with postpartum depression and I was on antidepressants after giving birth to Jayson. I am taking control of that path and changing the outcome this time. This takes so much mental and emotional energy on top of just being pregnant that I can't handle the constant questions, comments and concerns of the people peering in. I'm sorry I've shut you all out but I really have done so for my benefit. 

Maybe I'll have him tomorrow. Maybe I won't. When he's here and I am ready to share my story, don't for one second think you'll get out of hearing all about it. I am a sharer, some would say an over-sharer but this is one time in my life where I need the highest amount of privacy and consideration. 

Know that I love you all and I will be back to chat with you all soon. 

Until then, 

Traci

Why hiring MY doula was life changing

It's been about a month since I posted. I am 33 weeks and 5 days pregnant. Parker and myself are doing great! We're perfectly healthy. Jay is a bit busy focusing on his health and fitness journey. I'm glad he has something to focus on other than me. Honestly, being the guy during a pregnancy has to suck. Everything is their fault and everything falls on them to pick up the slack when the exhaustion, nausea or just irritation sets in. He's handled it like a boss and I'm so proud to have my awesome partner during this pregnancy. Kudos to him for trying so hard to be full of grace and love during my ups and downs of this pregnancy.

During this past month, I've made some huge strides in my inner well being and have come to peace with my decision to home birth. Surprised? I am too! I thought I was resolved and at peace with having a home birth. It's amazing how much you don't know about yourself until you've been put to the test! I started this pregnancy and this journey really, believing that I'd be most comfortable with a home birth if I had a hospital that followed my pregnancy and had a completely history in case I needed to transfer. That was a guise I told myself and the world to hide the fear I felt inside. Deep inside I was using that as my safety net for my fear of not being able to handle a home birth. I was terrified I would freak out, give up and give in to a hospital birth and probably ultimately another cesarean. This fear was so ugly that I kept it from the world. I didn't tell my midwife, my husband or even myself. I couldn't face it. Then the small little tidbit comments started from my doctor at Tripler. If my surgical records weren't there in time, she felt as though my only option was a repeat cesarean. That scared the shit out of me. I came home a complete wreck. With all my knowledge, with all the facts and all the support, it wasn't enough. My confidence wasn't there. I didn't believe *I* could do it. So I let those words shatter my whole world for that day. My midwife tried to reason with me but her truth wasn't my truth, yet. That day I found my confidence and I didn't know it yet. I met a doula on facebook through mutual friends on accident when I was looking at a Hawaii Military Wives group. The day the friend request was accepted was the day I let my doctor shake me to the core. She calmed me, chatted with me and reassured me. She didn't even KNOW me! Even if she didn't, I feel as though she saw how broken I was in that moment and knew I needed the support of someone only like herself. I could be raw and open with her without her questioning why I'm doing this if I'm not sure of it. Jay and I met her soon after and decided immediately that we needed her for this birth. She's already taught us so much. But the biggest thing she's done for us, for me really, is just be there and support my every decision.

Shortly after meeting and hiring my doula (Lea), Madeleine started opening up to me more. Our meetings went from patient/doctor to friends and confidants. She started telling me stories of her births and reassuring my fears in a way a friend would. A very medically knowledgeable and brilliant friend but with the kindness and love a friend would show. I attribute this to Lea's presence in my life.

Then during my most recent visit with my doctor, my fear took a tight hold of me and elevated my blood pressure. It wasn't "high" but it was higher. Enough for the doctor to comment on it, remind herself that I had pre-eclampsia with my first pregnancy and make a note to watch my BP for further hints of complications. I broke down. Madeleine and Lea have become my go-to people in my crisis mode after speaking with the doctor at Tripler. They're my safe haven. They're my anchor. They're why this birth is going to be the most epic thing in my life. I know things might not go the way I envision them but if Madeleine and Lea are by my side, this birth will be amazing compared to any other I've experienced.

Of course not everyone can have Lea specifically but now I understand the very strong push from the natural birthing community for moms-to-be to hire a doula. If you find the doula that meshes and syncs with you so beautifully they are down right essential. It's such a spiritual bond that it's almost difficult to put into words. Maybe I'm just lucky and Lea was literally sent to me for a reason but I urge everyone to find that person who you bond with instantly over tears and sorrow. Those are the people that will be the most supportive and raw people in your life. It's life changing. My doula won't necessarily be that for you but there is a doula out there like this for you. It was honestly terrifying to think of meeting and getting to know doulas because it such an intimate relationship that finding one is almost like dating. That's scary! But believe me when I say the reward is so worth the heartache of searching.

Of course I had the knowledge, I had the reasons and the right ideas, I just need the right frame of mind. No research can give you that. I'm as bull headed as they come but deep down I still have insecurities and fears. I let those chip away at me until the doctor found that chip and starting chiseling away too. Lea has helped me seal up those cracks in my resolve and I'm feeling more confident than ever about this birth.

So much so that I'm considering not seeing the hospital anymore after 35 weeks. I've come so far, I don't need or want the negative energy in my pregnancy, in my head or sneaking into my birth.

Last night during our most recent meeting with Lea, I remembered how much I've been through to get to this place in my pregnancy, in my life and in this birth. This month marks two years since Jay and I decided to get the vasectomy reversal and to try to expand our family. It took us until June to get the reversal, then another year of tears and heartache to get pregnant. I did NOT go through all of that to give up now. If anything those months of emotional roller coaster rides gave me the strength to push through, I just needed to figure out how to access it. Everything has been building up to this birth and I can't let myself down now.

The support from my friends has been absolutely amazing and I have to say thank you for not doubting me. Those that doubt me, it's alright. I feel like you've never experienced the trauma that I have and I pray you never do. Just know that each birth is yours and you alone have the power to decide how that baby is coming into the world, be it naturally, induction, c-section or any other method. Become educated about your options, decide what is best for you and your family and don't let a doctor or anyone else try to coerce you into something you aren't comfortable with.

I honestly want nothing but the best for each and every one of you. So if you have any questions about my research, my findings and my informed decisions, feel free to ask!


Until next time!