This One's for the Guys

So Traci and I are currently in our third cycle since having my reversal. It hasn’t been easy for us, but I honestly feel that things will get better. I say that with some reluctance, because this cycle particularly has been difficult. It’s difficult because I have made some mistakes as it pertains to my “duties” in the conception. I do not want to get into the specifics of my flaws (which there are many), but I want any man reading this who is in the same position as me to know that you HAVE to take this seriously if a child is something you truly want.

Some things are easy to forget, and for me, I tend to forget a lot. Luckily I have a wife like Traci, who constantly reminds me of things I need to be doing. I know my reactions to these reminders are not always what they should be, and ultimately I shouldn’t need to be reminded as much as I am. So fellas, take it from me, LISTEN! Get rid of your bad habits, and realize what the goal is. If you want it bad enough you will make the changes. I’m not trying to kiss @$$ here, the few things I have to remember are nothing in comparison to what your spouse has to put up with, especially if you already have children and your spouse is a stay at home Supermom.

Here’s my attempt to give the male demographic an idea of some difficulties I’ve had:

1.       CELL PHONE. If your sperm count is low, just hold that thing in your hand! This is probably the most difficult thing for me to do because I have developed a habit since becoming a cell phone user to just put it in my pocket. This is a huge NO-GO if you are trying to conceive, especially if you are like myself and have had a vasectomy reversal.

2.       SUPPLEMENTS. Once again, these things are designed to help, so why wouldn’t you take them? Well for me, it’s another thing that is sometimes hard to remember. But I will tell you this, THEY WORK! My sperm count increased by approximately 10 million in under two weeks on my supplements. Do what you have to do to remember. Do what you have to do to ensure your spouse doesn’t have to remind you all the time (this factor will come into play later). TAKE THEM TAKE THEM TAKE THEM!

3.       ALCOHOL. They say that drinking a drink every so often won’t impact too awful much. Guess what? Limiting yourself to one drink every so often is difficult if you are accustom to drinking more regularly. It takes self control and a sense of responsibility. Unfortunately, I have difficulty with this. So my recommendation to you is DON’T DRINK! Simple as that.

4.       SEX.  As a man this subject should seem rather simple, show up, get business done, and repeat. Let me tell you that this couldn’t be further from the truth. Although sex during a cycle could seem regimental, don’t think of it as such. Don’t just think of it as a duty to get pregnant. If you know your wife’s cycle schedule, you should have an idea of when you’ll be having sex. Use this opportunity to get closer to your spouse. Take advantage of this time to rekindle the relationship in ways you typically may not have the chance to do. I write this knowing that this is another one of my shortfalls, but will definitely be one of the things will be working on. And remember what I said about the reminders? If your spouse has to constantly get on you about things, that will make the whole sex thing more of a job for the spouse, rather than something special shared between husband and wife.

I believe that open forums and blogs like this one are tools for people to learn from others, and I hope that at least one husband who is trying to become a dad (again for some) will read this and get something out of it. It’s harder than you would think, but can be made easier if you are proactive. Up to this point I have not been the most proactive husband, but in writing this, I have been able to look at myself a little harder to see what needs to be done. Men, take charge of your lives, and help out wherever you can.

Traci, I love you

Everyone else, until next time,

Jay