Results & Options

The results came back yesterday and while they are low, I know that it's still early. The biggest concern I have is the drastic change in the count. On Tuesday, July 9th, Jay's count was at 26 million per mL which is with in the normal range of 20-200 million per mL. Yesterday, the results came back with a count of 5.2 million per mL. There are many things that may have caused this change. Drinking, lack of ibuprofen, caffeine and many other unhealthy habits that contribute to the over all health of a person. The ibuprofen is suggested after a VR because of the swelling, even after it seems/feels healed, swelling can cause a lack of sperm from being let through. So there are things we are going to work on at home.

Here are the results from yesterday: 

Count: 5.2 million per mL
pH: 8.5  (normal >7.2)
Motility: Minimal forward progression 
Motility: 20% (normal >50%)
Volume: 2.0mL (normal 2.0mL)
Morphology: 91% abnormal (normal 0-20 *I'm not sure what this means*)


These aren't great numbers. So Jay called his PCM yesterday to be told by a very rude receptionist that the lab shouldn't tell patients to call their PCM for explanation of results because doctors are busy and can't drop what they're doing to go over every lab result with patients. From my understanding, that's part of the doctor's JOB! Aren't they supposed to go over lab results with you, especially if they are BAD results?? I understand that the doctor was probably busy THAT moment when Jay called but seriously, she could have just said that the doctor was busy and would call him back to discuss the results at his earliest convenience. 

Well anyway, Jay calls this morning to schedule an appointment to speak with the doctor in case calling doesn't get him anywhere.  After he scheduled his appointment, he called and left a message with the nurse to call him back to discuss the results. The nurse called him back and read the notes in the file with the lab results. The doctor is going to refer Jay to a specialist. The two types of specialists that were mentioned were a Urologist or a fertility specialist. At this point, I feel as though the PCM is out of his depth with this case and doesn't know where to go, which is fine, not all doctors can be specialists in ever arena but I'm glad to know that this doctor knew when to pass the case. 

Now we wait for the case manager to call Jay with his options for specialists. Once he has the info he can start making phone calls to schedule an appointment with the new doctor(s). I'm not sure if he/we will see one specialist or both specialists, which specialist it'll be if it's just one but at this point, having someone familiar with reversals and infertility is going to be beneficial to our journey. Hopefully the next update is better.

Until next time,
Traci

Optimism & Dreams

Last week, after the horrible fiasco with Jay's nurse and doctor, he eventually got the semen analysis(SA) scheduled for this week. It only took multiple calls to the clinic explaining that the VR surgeon actually requested the SA and a call to the surgeon to let him know we were having issues with the clinic down here. By the time the surgeon called back, the clinic had fixed their mistake but Jay still informed Dr. Anderson of the troubles he had and Dr. Anderson was very helpful and let Jay know that if he ran into any more trouble to not hesitate to call him. I already love his surgeon! Amazing, awesome doctor who PERSONALLY called my husband back. Those types of doctors are hard to find and are especially rare in the military. So a HUGE thank you to him!!

Well, today was the scheduled SA. The lab here does them only on Tuesdays. It's funny because Jay's PCM told him that the lab here doesn't do them at all. Weird huh? Why would his PCM tell us that they don't do them here when clearly they do? Seems shady. The more we try to work with the clinics here the more I can't wait to get somewhere else a little bit more fertility friendly. C'mon Hawaii or where ever the Army wants to send us after WOBC!! Well, Jay went into the lab this morning and dropped off his sample. They told him they'd have the results late this morning (prior to lunch) or early this afternoon. Jay said he'll start making phone calls around 11am to see if the results are in. At least we'll get them today!! YAY! I don't know how I'm going to be able to wait three plus hours to find out the results but I guess I'll find a way! 

On another note, I found out yesterday a friend (whom I've become very close to over the past few months) got her BFP (big fat positive) and I'm soooo excited for her and her family!! I wish it were me and I'm slightly envious but hopefully I'll get mine this cycle and we'll have our babies close together. Well because of the supplement I took at the beginning of this cycle and hearing about her BFP, I had a dream last night. In my dream, Jay and I found out I was pregnant. I took the pregnancy test very early but it was still a very dark line so we immediately assumed twins. Here's where the dream turns unrealistic but still fun... Jay and I did a home ultrasound (not possible, those things are thousands of dollars) and we see two sacs. We start stressing about whether or not we need to see a doctor immediately since I'm pregnant with twins. Even though I woke up during the anxiety and stressing portion of the dream, I can't help but feel optimistic today. With Jayson, I had a dream at like 2-3 months that I was having a boy and I had a boy! Not that I feel as if I have a gift of seeing the future in my dreams but it gives me optimism that my body knows that we'll be pregnant soon. Maybe we'll have twins, maybe we won't but I'm very optimistic about this cycle and possibly the next. The only thing that could "kill" this optimism and happiness I have today would be for the results to come back with bad numbers. 

I suppose I'll know no later than this afternoon if we have a chance to have a baby (or babies) this cycle. So exciting and stressful! I guess I'll have to update you later about what we hear!!

Update ya later!
Traci

Lab work, Doctors and Miscommunication

Yesterday was hard. For me, for Jay and for our journey. I mentioned in yesterday's post that Jay had an appointment to get lab work done. Well, that was a bust.

First let me start with, we live in a small town, on a small post that does not have an extensive medical facility. We have a clinic, not a hospital. Almost everything outside of basic care is sent off post. Jay had to be sent to Fort Lewis, WA to get the vasectomy reversal done since Fort Huachuca does not have a urologist. The specialist at Fort Lewis told Jay that he needed a "semen analysis" done after the reversal to insure it was a success and we will more than likely have to keep getting these analysis done until we are done TTC. Because, at any time Jay's surgical site could scar over and then he would become infertile. The only way to correct that would be for him to go through another surgery.

Yesterday, Jay went to his PCM and asked for a semen analysis. I suppose the Doctor or the Nurse decided that this was a simple task and that Jay did not need to speak with the doctor in order to get the order for the lab work put in. The nurse was the only person Jay saw. **This was my first red flag, but I was able to ignore it and still hope for the best.** Jay was told that he could call the clinic and speak with the nurse at the end of the day for the results. AWESOME! Jay had decided he'd call around 2pm so that we had plenty of time before the lab closed to insure we got the results before everyone ran screaming from the building an hour before CoB.

At 2pm, Jay attempted to call the clinic and no one answered. He called around 2:30, spoke to the nurse and was told to call back in 15 minutes when she was done screening a patient. He called back at 2:45 and she explained that she made a mistake. She thought that the lab work was for a count after a Vasectomy. His count is 26 mil per mL. That's wonderful but uhm... what are the motility, morphology, pH, vitality and fructose levels? **Jay is messaging me on facebook as he speaks to the nurse and I'm LIVID** So he gets off the phone with her with no real answers. So I ask him to call them back to reschedule the correct lab work for later this week and to speak with the actual DOCTOR this time. So he makes the phone call, the doctor is in with his last patient of the day and will call you when he's done. Then Jay gets the phone call, he explains that he needs a semen analysis and the doctor says that he only has the option to order a count in the system so he'll have to call the lab to see if they can even do a full blow semen analysis. They end the call and the doctor does his limited research. He calls Jay back to tell him that the lab here on post does not have the capabilities to do the SA and Jay asks what his other options are. The doctor says that they can't send off for the actual SA because of budget cuts and it costs money. **Uhm, since when did the army pay for medical, I'm pretty sure that's what TRICARE is for!** But it gets better, the doctor then says Jay can come back in 2-3 weeks for another count and if it hasn't improved then they can refer him to a specialist. Wait, WHAT?! You can't afford sending a sample off to a lab but you can refer him to a specialist. I'm not a doctor, or a nurse... I'm not even medical office personnel but that sounds freaking ridiculous. "I'm sorry we can't get the test you want done because it costs to much money, but if you come back for another simple test, we'll refer you to a civilian fertility specialist, who cost 100 TIMES more than a lab analysis." Am I insane? How could a fertility specialist cost LESS than a semen analysis?! It couldn't possibly. That's just incomprehensible for me.

Now of course being me, when Jay got home I grilled him intensely about the conversation so that I could pin point where everything went south. The only time Jay said that he was a vasectomy reversal was to the nurse. So now the doctor is making decisions based on something he wasn't reminded of. Jay also neglected to inform the doctor that his vasectomy reversal doctor (a SPECIALIST) gave him instructions to get a SA done after the surgery. Of course, yesterday I was angry with Jay and it resulted in us fighting but it's since been resolved and I have to remember that Jay doesn't think the way I do. Today he'll call the doctor and explain his situation and the instructions from the reversal doctor and hopefully we will be able to just get a SA done with out any more trouble. If that doesn't work, then we will be contacting Patient Advocacy and the vasectomy reversal doctor in Washington.

I think everything happening yesterday just made it worse. Yesterday was the day I realized there was no hope of a pregnancy for the June cycle and as much as I prepared myself for the disappointment, it was still hard to take. Which made the news of the "screw up" hard to take. I don't believe yesterday was any one particular person's fault. Everyone made assumptions about what the others wanted or knew. Jay assumed the doctor knew it was post reversal because it's in his record, the nurse assumed it was just a count because that's the only option on the system. The doctor assumed Jay was just being demanding and requesting a specific lab because of his desires not because of medical need. At least this is me hoping that's the case. I suppose we'll find out today if the doctor was just misinformed or if he is just going to refuse the lab work even though it's requested by the specialist.

Cycle 1 is over... On to Cycle 2!

Today marks day one of cycle 2 in our TTC journey. While it is disappointing to not end up pregnant right away, it really was only our first try. The average pregnancy after vasectomy reversal takes approximately a year to achieve. There are successes that occur before the year mark but the average is a year. I've met women who get pregnant right away and I've met woman who are still trying 1-3 years later. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't. There is no guarantee that it will result in pregnancy even if the surgery is a success.

Yesterday, I scheduled my appointment to talk with my PCM about a possible referral to a Gynecologist office. I don't necessarily believe that I have fertility issues but with our decreased chances just because of the VR, I'd like to make sure that we aren't trying when we should be seeking help. I know most doctors what patients to try for a year, but most patients are normal people with no signs of fertility issues. If we already know for a fact that we have a lower chance, we should check to make sure our chances aren't even lower because of me. Many women who are trying to conceive with a spouse that has had a VR have gotten their fertility checked well before a year of trying to conceive.

On another note, Jay had his first follow up after his surgery today. They are doing some lab work on him and we should know by the end of the day what we're working with, at least for the time being. Fortunately this is just going to be our starting levels. A man's levels can always increase or decrease so we're going to do everything we can to increase his levels and health while we're trying to conceive. He started a supplement package about a week ago and hopefully they are beneficial. We'll know more once 2-3 months have passed and we can see if there is a change in his levels and lab work.

I am also looking into supplements and vitamins for myself. I haven't decided on any specifically yet because we don't even know if there is an issue with me. Though if anyone out there in the large world wide web has some suggestions on supplements or vitamins I should increase or start taking, I'd love the advice. I am currently on a prenatal and a prenatal supplement with calcium and folic acid.

Hopefully the end of this cycle in about 28-30 days, we'll have exciting news of a new addition. Or, maybe we won't. It's all in God's hands and we will pray his plans are shown to us soon!

Trying to Conceive is Torture!

Jay had his surgery and he healed really quickly. I started charting which involves me waking up at the butt crack of dawn to take my temperature with a crazy special thermometer. So I take my temp super early and put it into my little app for that day and go back to sleep. There are a few other signs I have to observe while waiting for ovulation and then once ovulation occurs, we sit around and wait to find out if we were able to "catch the egg". 

Well according to my chart, I ovulated on June 24th and I'm 11 day past ovulation (dpo). I've taken a pregnancy test (a cheap internet strip test called a Wondfo) every day since 8 dpo and they've ALL been negative. Yesterday afternoon, Jay, a few of my friends, and I THOUGHT we saw a little hint of a line but this morning that was contradicted with a blatantly obvious NEGATIVE on a First Response Early Response (FRER). It's really frustrating because lots of women can get early positives around 8 dpo to 12 dpo. I've never tracked my cycle like this before so I have no idea if my pregnancy tests for Jayson and Elijah were early or after I was late. I should be expecting my wonderful Aunt Flo to visit sometime between Monday and Wednesday so I wish I had the self control to just WAIT until then. 

Wanting to be pregnant is so much more difficult than missing your period and going "Oh I might be pregnant." Even only one cycle in and I would much rather go back to being ignorant of the process. I wish I could just not think about it and TTC then when I miss my period, test like a normal person who might be pregnant instead of watching my calendar go soooo slowly. Testing in the morning to see if there is a tiny faint line on these cheap test just to be disappointed or delusional. 

TTC really brings out the crazy in a person. I really hope that this cycle is just my lesson on TTC & Charting and things go much differently next cycle. 

With all the negative tests and crazy over-analysis of my chart, I'm fairly certain this just isn't our cycle. Which is Okay! The first month after a reversal isn't usually the month that it happens so I have to remember that we have 1.5 more months until things are supposed to get back to normal with in Jay so I shouldn't be so disappointed. It's just so hard not to be. And all those pregnant chicks that I'm friends with make me want to scream. Mostly the ones that I know get pregnant so easily. Ugh! Let it be MY turn! 

Here's my chart in case any of you wanted to see it.  Traci's Chart

I'll update you guys next week on whether or not Aunt Flo drops by or not.

Until Next Time,

Traci

Finally Turned in the 'ol "V-Card"

So I haven’t posted in a while, but that is not due to a lack of important events. As most of you have heard by now, I finally have had the vasectomy reversal surgery. I would like to take this opportunity to share my experience to aid other men who may be on the fence about getting this relatively simple procedure.

First thing, I had to travel from Tucson, AZ all the way to Fort Lewis, WA. Not a bad trip, but I got in late and it took me some time to get to my hotel…thanks to my best friend Ryan who was visiting a friend in that area, and they invited me out for drinks before my surgery. Anyway, creepy little hotels with no TV aside, it was not a bad trip. Surprisingly, it was very relaxing.
So on Monday the 10^th, I went in for my pre-op appointment. I hadn’t had to have a surgery in quite some time, ironically enough the last time I needed surgery was the last time I saw Ryan prior to this, so I wasn’t quite sure what to expect. Honestly, I felt like I was clearing post, getting ready to PCS to another duty station. I had a packet that I had to carry around with me while I stopped at half a dozen offices and hear a bunch of different people tell me the same things. All and all, this portion of the trip wasn’t too exciting, but I do have to let you all know that I felt that the staff at Madigan Army Hospital was phenomenally friendly, knowledgeable, and just plain awesome!

So on Tuesday, the time had finally come to me to turn in my “V-Card”. I would once again have the opportunity to reproduce….a scary thought, I know. But I did feel too nervous, and with a very relaxing staff, I was easily able to stay calm. Once I arrived at the hospital, I signed in and since I was the first case of the day, I got right to business. I got changed into the ass-less gown, and my yellow skid resistant booties (which I decided to keep). I laid down in my bed and had the all star cast from the day prior come over and talk to me one at a time. Finally the anesthesiologist came to set up my IV, and after what felt like five minutes I WAS OUT COLD!

After what felt like five minutes later I WOKE UP! And yes, I kind of felt like Sebastian Janikowski kicked my stuff a whopping 65 yards through the uprights. But even though I didn't feel super great, I did wake up to food in front of me, so that was a pleasant surprise. First thing I did before eating was call Traci, to let her know that I was awake, and doing ok. I’m guessing she could sense that I was still kind of out of it, because we didn’t talk long and she told me to take a nap. She’s too awesome. Now that I think about it, every time I woke up…there was a new plate of food in front of me. Since I went to WA alone, the docs wanted to keep me in the hospital for the night to let the medication run its course allowing me to be able to drive home. My post op nurse was awesome, and to her credit got me extra food when I asked. I got used to the aching south of the border rather quickly. After a while I really didn't feel much at all. That is, until I tried to pee. That was a little difficult the first day, but the discomfort quickly subsided. My time spent in the hospital consisted of eating, sleeping, going pee a lot, and watching TV. I can actually remember what I watched…I watched a gumball marathon on cartoon network and the NBA playoffs. Good times if you ask me.

After I got discharged from the hospital, I spent my last full day there just sleeping, and watching movies (thanks Bruce for your hard drive), and talking to Traci on the phone. That pain wasn’t really pain, more of an annoying discomfort from time to time. Nothing to really complain about. Actually, I didn’t and haven’t taken ANY pain meds since I left the hospital.

Then I flew back home, had Traci pick me up, and we feasted….on Chick-Fil-A….and it was amazing. Then we all went home, and all was good in the world. I truly feel as though the hardest step to get to is now behind us, and now we have to face the one that will test our patience as a couple, and that’s actually conceiving. Needless to say, I have recovered to the point when we can start trying, and I am feeling just fine.  I appear to be all healed up and now the next thing to do will be to have my follow up and get a semen analysis done, to make sure that the surgery did what it was set out to do.

Time moves on and it’s time to prepare for the next leg of our journey. I feel like I'll get there faster since I got that V-Card that was in my wallet not weighing me down.

Til Next Time,

Jay

Let the FUN Begin!

Today marks one week post surgery. Everything seems to be healing nicely. Jay says he hardly notices it and that it's almost completely healed. The doctor recommended we wait two to three weeks before trying to conceive and so far we've made it a week. The doctor did say for Jay to pay attention to his body and his pain levels because it will be the first to tell him if he's pushing himself too hard or if he's ready. Hopefully, we can try this cycle but we'll see. We have about a week long window to try to get pregnant and it begins before his two weeks are up so hopefully he's feeling up to it sooner than later. If we get pregnant this month, I'd be due late March or early April and would have the baby here in Arizona. 

I did contact Sacred Healing Arts in Hawaii. They seem to be the only office that has home birth midwives in all of Oahu. I told them our circumstance and asked if they aid in home births after c-sections (HBACs). They emailed me back saying that they did do HBACs and would like to do a phone interview with me. I'm not sure if I should "waste" their time just yet as I don't even know if I'll be having a baby out there. I was just emailing them to see if they were even an option because if not I'd probably have to fly someone in to assist me. I do have someone in mind but I don't think they thought I was serious. So if you're reading this... I'm as serious as a heart attack! I don't want to go through another c-section unless it is absolutely medically necessary and I'm willing to do whatever it takes to avoid it until that point. 

Of course once they know my history, they'll be better able to tell me if they would be able to assist me through an HBAC but since I've done so much research and spoken with other midwives, I don't believe there is a reason for me not to attempt an HBAC. 

As I start realizing that pregnancy is becoming closer to a reality, I'm day dreaming of baby furniture and cloth diapers. Would it be too early to start a registry? I suppose I could always change my mind about things I want and it's not set in stone on the registry. Plus knowing what I was having might change a few things but I'm just so excited and want something to occupy my time that isn't just all about trying to conceive. We've thought of names for both boys and girls. We've discussed the fact that we want to cloth diaper, and breast feed. We're discussing our options for co-sleeping and different cradles, pack n plays or bassinets for the baby to have available to him in our bedroom besides the crib in the nursery.  I don't want to jinx anything by purchasing anything just yet but I'm so anxious to do so. I thought maybe a registry would help ease my shopping desires. What do you think? Set up a registry or not yet? 

Until next time,
<3 Traci

And on to Step Two!!

(8:21 am 11 June 2013) This morning at 6 am, Jay went in to Madigan Army Medical Center for his vasectomy reversal. Sadly, I'm still in Arizona and I'm not really sure what time he went into surgery. He last posted saying he was going back around 7 am so hopefully he'll be done in the next few hours and I'll hear something from him. I'm thinking I probably will not hear from him until noon or later. I'm anxiously waiting to hear what the doctor tells him and if they think there is a change. Once they are in surgery, the doctors will have a better view of things and know whether or not things might function again. Even if the doctors see that things should heal fine, that doesn't necessarily mean that little guys will start swimming again. Fortunately we're young (ish) and he hasn't had the vasectomy for very long. The optimal time to do the reversal is in the first 3-4 years, which we're about to hit 4 years next February or March-ish time frame. So hopefully, everything turns out well and we can start trying to conceive in the next few weeks, depending on how long the say we have to wait. During my research I've heard the wait can be anywhere from 2 weeks to 6 weeks. I feel like I'm running out of things to say but I'm anxiously waiting to hear back from Jay.  I suppose since I don't feel as though I have enough to post, I'll save it until I hear from Jay.

(5:05 pm 11 June 2013) So Jay was finished with surgery around 1 pm and seemed to be fine. He was told everything went great and would hear from the doctors later. He sounded drowsy so our conversation was quick so he could get some more rest. He then called me again around 4:30 to let me know that the doctor had come in to talk to him. The doctor said everything went as planned and that we can start trying in about 2-3 weeks as long as he was feeling better and was up for it. He will have an analysis done in 3 months to make sure everything is a go, we might know sooner than that though! Hehe. I'm already wishing I could run out and buy a bunch of new baby stuff. I'm going to be dreaming of baby names, cloth diapers and nursery furniture. I've started looking for midwives in this area and in Hawaii. I've counted due dates based on when we might get pregnant. If you can't tell, I'm very very excited to finally have some control over our situation. Now we just wait for him to heal up and we'll be officially TTC (trying to conceive)!!

<3 Traci

Almost done with Step one!

After my state of panic was over, Jay and I figured it all out. My mother bought the flight to Seattle and Jay figured out all the rest. I booked his rental car and his hotel. His flight left yesterday at 3:35pm and arrived in Seattle at 10:50pm. He got his car and found his hotel. I'm not sure if he did all this with out a problem but he did get there. Today he'll have his pre-op appointment followed by his surgery tomorrow. They will keep him in the hospital over night since he's on his own and he'll fly out on Thursday.

I'm so excited and we don't even know if the surgery will be a success or not. Even if it is, that doesn't mean that we will be able to get pregnant right away, or at all for that matter. I'm not trying to be negative, just trying to be realistic and know that there are several different factors that stand between us and the desired outcome. As much as I'd love to start scooping up baby stuff as soon as possible. I'm trying to be logical and realistic about it. The excitement of it all has me itching to shop and day dream about nurseries, names and cloth diapers! Despite my attempts at being logical and realistic, yesterday morning before Jay's flight, we sat and discussed various baby names. We talked about what we liked and what we didn't like. It's so hard to keep from day dreaming that I suppose discussions is all I have to quench my thirst at this point. I know everything is one step at a time but it's so much more fun to look ahead and plan that next step while waiting anxiously for the current step to be completed! I guess only time will tell and as things progress I'll keep everyone updated on our journey.

Patience is a Virtue

Waiting is hard. No matter what you are waiting for you are either waiting anxiously or wishing that time would slow down. In our case, we wanted it to hurry up and get here. Now it's here and we kind of wish we had more time. We've spent most of the last 3.5 months saving money for this day and when it came, we had spent almost all of our savings. Why you ask? Because we went on vacation and bought a new car and thought we had enough time after returning home to rebuild our savings before we got the phone call. We returned home on Sunday, 2 June. We received the phone call with a surgery date, on Wednesday 5 June. Sadly we had no time between returning home and getting our phone call to make the proper changes and additions to our savings account. So now we are scrambling to get Jay to Seattle in time for his surgery next week. While this is stressful, we are so excited for this to finally be happening. 

While I stress, pull string and beg family for help, we are at the point we've been waiting for since February. We started our journey in February when we made the decision to expand our family. While this is a big step, it's only the first step. We fought for about a month and half to get on a wait list at a military installation that preforms vasectomy reversals, until we finally got on the list at Joint Base Lewis McChord's Madigan Army Medical Hospital. We were told at the end of March that the wait would be around 4-6 months. Every week since Jay was put on the wait list, he has called the Urology clinic to ask if there has been any progress and an estimate on how much longer he'd be on the list. He even made a phone call this Tuesday (4 June) and heard the same thing we have been hearing since day one, you are 24th on the list, no scheduled surgeries and none have been preformed. We were losing hope. Scratch that, I think we lost hope, we were just going through the motions at this point to see if it would turn out. I never thought we'd get a phone call the following day to be scheduled for surgery 5 days later.

So as of right now, Jay should fly into Seattle on Sunday 9 June and he'll have his pre-op appointment on Monday 10 June with surgery on 11 June. It's not looking like I'll be able to go with him since we weren't able to build up our savings again, we'll be lucky to scrap together enough to get Jay to Seattle, a hotel room and a car for the 4 days he's there but at least we'll be able to get it done! Now we have to PRAY that this surgery works and that we are able to get pregnant. We're hoping to get pregnant sometime in the next 6 months but we've heard that it could take up to 18 months, if the surgery is a go. Lots and lots of variables and we're betting on them all. 

So we're stressing quite a bit right now, due to trying to get Jay up there and getting the surgery done. Stressing that it goes well, stressing that we're able to get pregnant sooner than later. Stressing that we CAN get pregnant. Stressing that if/when we do get pregnant, that my birth options remain the way I want them. Just plain ol' stressing. I know one way or another things will work out but I just can't help but stress. It's my nature. I almost enjoy it. Anyway, things are looking up, even if we aren't as prepared as we had planned to be but it's all in God's hands and we have to trust in Him.

<3 
Traci